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Pretty sure I'm non-binary, but coming to that conclusion has made me even more confused about what my gender even means to me (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by cosecantphi@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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Like, I'm AMAB but don't really identify with whatever "being a man" is supposed to mean in this society, but have no idea where to go from there.

I do get mildly dysphoric the more masculine I feel I'm being perceived as, but still want to use he/him pronouns because while those aren't that great of a match, none of the other options feel any better and it's what I'm used to.

I was already presenting how I wanted to present, and that's mildly androgynous, so it feels like coming out to myself hasn't really changed much of anything, and that's giving me imposter syndrome type intrusive thoughts when I think about telling other people I'm non-binary.

Also, I'm autistic, and at times it's incredibly hard to separate that from my gender. Anyone else have this problem? Often I'm not sure to what degree my not identifying with "being a man" is informed by a non-binary gender or if it's me just not being compatible with common neurotypical attitudes on gender. Maybe it's a little of both

Anyway sorry for the rambling post, just wanted to gather my thoughts

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[–] Moss@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago

This post could have been written by me word for word three years ago. I now identify as agender, and prefer they/them pronouns.

I just never cared at all about gender. I don't really have a conception of gender, I never really learned it growing up beyond "girls wear dresses and boys wear pants" which always seemed silly to me.

I've never acted according to my understanding of gender, I've just acted how I've wanted to. Someones gender has no impression on me, including my own. I don't present in certain ways or do things to look masculine or feminine or androgynous, I just want to present and act as I want to. I've never wondered if I'm too masculine or feminine or not masculine or feminine enough. It just has no significance to me.

I thought I might be non-binary for a while, but I found that the label of agender is more comfortable for me. You might agree with everything I've written and prefer to call yourself non-binary rather than agender, and that's perfectly fine. You also might prefer to not label yourself at all.

Consider if you would be happier calling yourself non-binary, or agender, or genderqueer, or anything at all. Don't feel the need to arrive at a concrete label that you have to stick with and commit to if you don't want to.

Also if you want to ask anything else, please do

flag-agender-pride hexbear-agender mario-thumbs-up