Futurama

You cant just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

She’s built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!

Professor: Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy.

Bender: You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

You are technically correct, the best kind of correct.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

When they're getting pulled down toward Atlanta:

How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?

Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

"You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music'

"I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo."

Farnsworth: Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!

Fry: How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Farnsworth: Well, it's a space ship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Wait, I'm having one of those things, you know, a headache with pictures.

🎵We're whalers on the moon,

We carry a harpoon,

But there ain't no whales,

So we tell tall tales,

And sing this whalin' tune! 🎵

Don't you worry about Planet Express

Let me worry about blank.

Thus global warming was solved, once and for all.
But....
Once And For All.

Good news! It's a suppository!

If I don't survive, tell my wife, "Hello".

Bender: "So people will actually pay money to find love...? I have an idea, an idea so genius...." gavel sounds "Stupid anti-pimping laws!"

"If we hit that bullseye the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!"

"If it's a lesson in love, watch out; I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff?"
―Zapp

"[Sigh] "Sexlexia""
―Kiff

So, there's an infinite number of parallel universes?

No... just the two...

Tie between:

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome

angry muttering as the PES flies away

and

Well Susie, it isn't foreigners, it's global warming

Gwabu wabu?

Uh, sure...

“We know nothing about their history, their language, or what they look like, but we can assume this: they stand for everything that we don’t stand for. And also, they told me you guys look like dorks.”

(destructive noises) Buddha, Zeus, God, one of you guys, do something! Satan, you owe me!

They say the key to any successful battle is the element of surprise. SURPRISE!

My absolute favorite: You win again, gravity!

"What are those disgusting creatures?"

"Those are the Grungalungas."

"Tell them i hate them."

No I'm... doesn't!

My lead pipe hurts.

Not exactly an iconic line, but I love the delivery:

"Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba?"

Fry: "I've... not heard of them."

Futurama's great for nerdy science gags, social satire, and pop culture spoofs, but its best jokes are always uniquely stupid twists of language like this.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

• I already did!

I'll start my own amusement park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the blackjack.

There's not a restaurant built that I can't fly - Zap Brannigan

Its actually from that same scene; "NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH FOR NO RAISIN!!!" I often say "for no raisin!!!" in my daily life. :)

To shreds, you say..

Well, how's his wife holding up? To shreds, you say...

My only regret is that I have boneitis

“They’re like sex except I’m having them”.

The one I use most often: "I've heard worse excuses to drink".

"Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!"

"What really killed the dinosaurs?" " ME!!! "

"But you're better than normal! You're abnormal!"

When you do things right people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

What makes a man turn neutral?

I can wire anything directly into anything! I'M THE PROFESSOR!

"I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity, the way only a woman can."

"You're going to do his laundry?"

Edit - the one that had me literally rolling off the couch because I was laughing so hard was, "That just raises further questions!"

“Take the deal, Fry! If there's a delicious cake, isn't it better to have one slice than none at all? Even if four other guys eat the other four slices, and they're all thrusting their sweaty naked bodies against the cake?”

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!

"I'm having one of those things! You know? A headache with pictures"

"... An idea?"

I sublibed with obly tribial blain dabblage.