I'll take a stab at it.

I do these shows and everyone wants to see it. It goes viral and everyone looks it up on Google to watch on their phones. But Google is doing something to block it, so if I win I'm going to shut them down.

All I could find was a jabba the hutt translator:

"Google, nobody called tuta google. Wompa of doe things like doing do show like yours, do show, u know, u stuka it on fox, but whao u really stuka it sa all over doe pa, they take clips of do show da u're doing right ateema gee je um if mee do do good job, they're gonna vote che je, they're gonna vote che je because soong nopa just on fox, soong on fox sa do smaller part of it. U're on all over this, those little beautiful cell phones u're on, u're all over doe pa. U have do product, u have do grancha product. U have do grancha brand. So u have tah pushee, u have tah pushee, u have tah do things like do show um other shows um google has been ree goola. They've been ree irresponsible um mee have do feeling da google sa gonna be close tah shut down"

Google isn’t kissing my ass and making me look good by constantly placing only the good things about me at the top of search results and videos.

So Google sucks and I’m going to shut them down.

"I want all the attention. I want everyone to have to look at me all the time on their phones. Give me that attention. Gimme! Gimme! Attention is like a McDonald's burger with fries. I want all the attention. Google, make that happen, make people watch me on their phones. Or I'm going to shut you down."

I know he's always been prone to kind of incoherent rambling, and quotes straight from his rallies are usually stream-of-consciousness walls of text like this. But it really seems like it's getting worse over time. Not sure if it's senility or drug addiction or stress or whatever else, but Trump really seems to be unraveling.

Does he really speak like that? 😳

Even ChatGPT is confused

The text seems to convey a few disjointed points:

1. No Call from Google: It starts by mentioning that no one called from Google, but this point is unclear and not elaborated on.

2. Importance of Media Exposure: The speaker emphasizes that doing shows like the one being discussed is important because these shows are widely seen, not just on Fox but everywhere through clips shared on cell phones and other platforms.

3. Effect on Voting: The speaker believes that a good performance on the show will positively influence people to vote for them.

4. Reach of the Show: The speaker highlights that the show is not limited to Fox but is widely distributed and accessible, thus amplifying its impact.

5. Praise for the Show: The speaker compliments the show's product and brand, suggesting it has great reach and quality.

6. Need for Exposure: There's an emphasis on the need to be active and appear on various shows to maximize exposure.

7. Criticism of Google: The speaker criticizes Google for being irresponsible and suggests that the company might be close to shutting down, although this point is vague and unsubstantiated.

Overall, the rant is an unfocused mix of praising media exposure, expressing a belief in the power of TV appearances to influence voters, and criticizing Google.

To make things worse, I also asked it to Yodaify it

Called from Google, nobody did. Doing a show like yours, yes, on Fox you see it. But everywhere, really, it is. Clips of your show they take, with me right now, doing it you are. Do a good job, I must, for vote for me, they will. On Fox alone, it is not, smaller part Fox is. All over this, you are. On those little beautiful cell phones, you are. A great product, you have. A great brand, you have. Out you must get, out you must get. Things like your show, and other shows, do you must. Very bad Google has been, very irresponsible. Close to shutting down, Google is, a feeling I have.

Old man yells at cloud for not paying protection money.

It never ceases to amaze me how they mock Joe for speaking gibberish but then this seems to make complete sense to them.

Haven't you been paying attention? The SCOTUS says bribes are legal if they are called "gratuities". No wonder Trump wants to exempt tips from taxes, it's how he intends to get paid by his main clients, Russia and Saudi Arabia.

Gimme 5 bees for a quarter!

“Old man yells at cloud” indeed

Well, it is the style at this time. At least for a certain kind of person

If anything, Google helps the right with their YouTube algorithm that has to be one of the fastest to right-wing radicalization available. You can open up a recipe video on YouTube and a couple of videos later they'll have you on liberals are making the frogs gay style content.

That's the thing. He doesn't care about how his party is supposed to work, or what the party line is. His political stances are entirely based on his feelings and whims. Whoever has most recently slighted or inconvenienced him is enemy number one, only to be replaced tomorrow when some other matter irks him.

He even admits it....

"When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same. The temperament is not that different."

https://theweek.com/speedreads/575962/donald-trump-tells-biographer-hes-same-now-first-grade

They must have just needed to quote someone as saying it because it would seem like editorializing if they described it as “unintelligible,” even though it was.

Always has

Tech bros are, on the whole, truly disgusting people. For example, tech bros are almost entirely responsible for the continued fiscal solvency of San Francisco. With the rise of work from home, San Francisco threatens to be plunged into a financial pit that in the worst case would cause a Detroit-style collapse. And yet the overwhelming feeling among locals is "eh, worth it to get rid of the tech bros".

Don't underestimate him. He may sound like an idiot to us, but we aren't his target audience. He doesn't care what we think of him. He knows what his cult wants to hear and he's plenty happy to chum the water to get them in a frenzy.