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this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
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My grandpa passed a year ago now, COPD. Likely honestly a heart attack after all the steroid meds for his lungs created heart problems including a heart aneurysm. When he was diagnosed way back in 2006 they told us he had 5 years if he was lucky, I didn't think he'd see me graduate HS. Well he had a lot more than 5 years in him but after about 2014 it was all shit. He started telling my grandma that he was ready to die, wanted to die, in 2018, he begged for it on hard nights. He tried to kill himself in 2021 and 2022. Both attempts left him strapped to a hospital bed "for his safety" as he struggled to breathe, he hadn't been able to reliably breathe laying on his back for several years by then but they didn't care as long as he lived.
I never felt anything but sympathy for him after those attempts. As someone with chronic lifelong asthma, I know how my end will go. I know what it's like to suffocate and struggle to breathe and in case anyone wonders, it fucking sucks. It's terrifying, it's slow, and you know it's coming. Panic is inevitable. He felt like that for nearly 10 fucking years. He told me once after it had gotten bad that he'd always felt so bad for me as a kid to have asthma but now he finally understood, he said I was so brave to have dealt with it for so long but in that moment I didn't feel brave I felt lucky. When I use my inhaler I can breathe again, for him it just made him struggle less. For a long time I wished he would die, my absolute favorite person on the planet, and I wanted them dead. It destroyed me mentally for years. When he finally did die it was horribly sad and also such a massive relief for everyone to know that at least he wasn't suffering anymore.
I say all this, partially to get it off my chest but mostly to say, if we are going to prolong life we need to also give people the option to check out. Life isn't life without quality of health, it's just suffering. Prolonging suffering makes use torturers, it's not a saving grace. If we have the capacity to do this for our pets then people deserve the same mercy.