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when that internalized ableism hits just right
(hexbear.net)
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Feel like "therapy" is only useful for people who have any hope of things getting better. And I'm not just talking about the world or whatever. Every therapist I've seen just keeps going on about mindsets and reframing and setting goals and all that. That's great. I understand. But now what? I care enough to wake up and shower and attend to most of my responsibilities, but I clearly don't care enough to attend to the rest of the responsibilities or do anything to make my life better, and the misery and apathy have engulfed the entirety of my mind. Socializing makes me hateful towards myself, helping others make me hateful towards the world, engaging in hobbies make me hateful towards myself, etc.
There's nothing here but hate and apathy and contentedness with being like this forever because I am functional enough to enter society and meet my needs and not touch drugs and alcohol. What therapist is trained to address any of this? None that I've been to for the past 5 or so years. And of course, I understand that no one can force you to genuinely change and that you must want to change yourself. I guess I don't want it enough, and I can't imagine a day where I ever will.