To a normal person the amount of prep work required for 24 hours of non stop edging is incomprehensible.

Gatorade, granola bars. If it's got electrolytes and protein your body craves it. You are a cock athlete.

You're gonna need lube. Water based? Petroleum based? Perhaps coconut oil?

You'll need multiple video sources. One pc monitor ain't gonna cut it. What if you lose power mid goon? What if the monitor shits the bed? You're gonna need charged tablets and smartphones at the ready.

You'll need a carefully pruned watchlist specifically curated to keep your interest and your blood flowing hour after hour.

Fleshlights and other sextoys stand no chance. The friction from your numb cock is gonna melt them.

Gooning isn't just a repeated act of pleasure engaged in multiple times a week. No, gooning is a lifestyle. Friends? Forget about it. Intimate relationships? Why? You have fleshlights to burn out. Gainful employment of any sort? Only for the truly dedicated. Be prepared to work when you're sick and use sick days to spend in bed soaking in a puddle of your own sweat.

The path of the gooner is covered in the bodies of the weak. But one gooner did rise above his addiction. He's gooning in the Valhalla of goon caves: The United States Capitol.

They call him Speaker Mike Johnson.