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Privacy is Priceless, but Signal is Expensive
(signal.org)
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WhatsApp started is an XMPP client, but they use lots of proprietary extensions (doesn't matter since they don't federate). You can build very robust and scalable messengers with it if you want to.
The open source implementations are developed by like 1-2 guys in their spare time and they're not far behind (and sometimes even ahead) other federated messengers which received tens of millions in venture capital funding.
Nothing in the XMPP RFCs says you can't do that. Go ahead.
Which xmpp clients have you used? Conversations and its forks seem far from janky. Movim is nice, Dino is looking good, Kaidan is looking pretty good. Prose could be interesting.