52
You're on a date and it's going well. You get to choose, where do you go for dinner?
(crazypeople.online)
this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2026
52 points (90.6% liked)
Ask Lemmy
41725 readers
1335 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !uspolitics@lemmy.world
7) No Hit-and-Run questions.
Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.
8) No Bots.
Posts or comments from bots, LLM's, AIs, Neural Networks, Transformers, or Marvin the Paranoid Android are not welcome in AskLemmy. Real humans only please.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Interesting. Where I want to go for a first date is not the same as where I want to go just to refuel. In my mind they need to facilitate different things. Are they the same to you?
Sounds like that's a suffering of your own making, to be frank. You're ignoring the "take" part of give-and-take.
I too tend to neglect myself and my needs in relationships, which is why I swore off them until I had learnt to balance my priorities so I wouldn't forget myself.
But I also fully knew that neglecting myself was something I did, not my partners. If I enthusiastically choose what they want to do and always to predict what my partner wants, instead of expressing my own wants and finding a compromise or taking turns, then they never get the opportunity to do things for me or compromise - because they think we're both getting what we want already.
If you are expressing your wants and still never get catered to, then it's probably not a good relationship. But if you're not expressing yourself you are setting your partner (and the relationship) up for failure.
I absolutely think you should make a suggestion that takes your own personality into account for a first date. Of course we dont need to dump all of our worst traits at once, but you're not there pretending to be the perfect fit like you're auditioning for the role of partner, you're both there to figure out if you mesh well together.
Plus, hot dogs by a camp fire was one of the best dates I've been on (wouldn't recommend deep woods or other very remote locations for a first date with a stranger though). I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't like camp fires!
In this case compromise means going somewhere neither of us is enthusiastic about. For me the value of eating out is that I don't need to cook myself - a sushi buffet achieves that, and the food is good. Going to a nicer restaurant means it costs more, I need to wait longer and usually I get a smaller portion of food and the quality of it is the same at best. It's simply just a worse experience for me personally. So since I'm not enjoying myself either way we may just as well go somewhere she wants to so at least one of us is having fun.
And you're right - they have been bad relationships. We haven't had anything in common. Last time though I did lay the cards on the table from the very beginning and 9 years later when she finally had enough she at least couldn't say that she didn't know or that I had changed. She did know.
If there is to be a new romantic relationship for me in the future I might just give it a try with a guy instead. It's at least conceivable that things haven't worked out in the past for the simple reason that I've been trying to shove myself into a mould I don't fit into. I'm a peculiar, eccentric person and it takes a certain kind of individual to get along with me. It seems that people either like me a lot or not at all.
Excuse my cynicism. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is.