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I gave her all of me for two years. I thought she was the one. And then she dumped me over text
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2026
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unironically i think that this is a large part of why i am polyamorous ... i just have seen many times in my life how people enter monogamous relationships in the belief that "this will cause stability in my life", only to see their heart ripped out of their chest some time later.
what people don't seem to get is that humans aren't machines. there's no "proof" you can do that somebody will never leave you. there is no "reliability" in monogamy, and "promising" to stay together for a lifetime doesn't actually do stuff. and anyone who has taken a statistics course, will tell you to never put all your eggs into one basket.
and that's i think a large part of the reason why i could never never ever be in a monogamous relationship.
edit: sry i know this doesn't help you at all in this moment. i'm just saying it because i get really angry every time i see people feeling like shit because these things happen. and i've grown accustomed to thinking that it's because of the really unnatural kind of relationships that are forced on people by the kind of neurotypical mindset ... idk i'm maybe spiraling but it's important to me.
I have tried polyamory more than once and it just doesn't work for me
As another poly person, I agree with your intellectual points. Also, your understanding of the reality of the lie that is, the expectation that a monogamous relationship (or any relationship) will bring stability on its own, is a valid emotional reason for you to be polyamorous.
However, I don't think it's fair to assign all this pain to just the shitty normative expectations that you're talking about.
All breakups hurt. They just hurt.
When people are hurt, they're messy, and they're trying their best to make sense of their situation.
Yeah, their tools for understanding the situation after the fact, may be bad, and not help them heal as well over time, but a lot of this hurt is normal and healthy to feel. It's normal for shitty things like a breakup to be shitty.
Good knowledge of self, understanding of emotions, and the self work that is required for non-standard relationship structures, is a godsend for the period after, for slow thought, coming to terms with a change, all those things.
But the pain of loss is its own thing. Nothing we, nor any societal structures can do about that.
It just seems like there are more opportunities to feel shit with polyamory.