Daxter101

That sounds awesome!

On the first part about media, it sounds like that is basically a passion for you, so yeah, fucking awesome, pursue it!

On the second one about the cafés, you don't need to approach it with such a self-sacrificing mindset, there's a bunch of people out there who'd be willing to help you make such things, as part of a normal life!

Look for mutual aid networks, and/or connected cooperatives, or anarchist groups, or your city's/area's squats!

I participate in a little political group, that is part of a larger cooperative collective of groups. We all together pitch in to rent a small building, for use for meetings and other things, that, in order to meet its costs, some times a week has shifts available as a bar, with all proceeds going to maintenance, extras being donated or used for good purposes.

In an environment like this one, rather than you having to invest from your money, investing the time and effort for such events you're describing dreaming of, might instead be literally helping everyone involved.

You're not alone in your desire to help people, and if you manage to find those like you, you'll be able to achieve things that, alone, you might think are too improbable dreams.

Thanks for pouring all this passion in our little corner of the internet! And I hope you'll achieve your dreams, and continue making the world a better place! 🩷

(In case you're young, I'm just going to say for safety's sake, to be careful of cults along the way of looking for those groups. Cults are many, they disguise themselves like groups with purpose, and are looking explicitly to recruit driven people with dreams, just like you. Look for the people who are trying to do real good in the world, like you. They will want to help you do good things, and support you, instead of expecting or guilting you to do things for them.)

But what if I like the smell? 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

Sure, I'd love to have a read if you love yapping about them, hahaha

Stay awesome regardless, I know the sheer effort of trying to be a healthy version of your own childhood savior, and it's a very noble dream to have 🩷

From the perspective of an international audience, the name sounds fairly unisex. Is it actually gendered in your own language?

Maybe haunted by lobsters?

I think OP might have meant like, chicken ghosts, or something, but those die in the factories that sell them, which are, for al intents and proposes, already haunted in our own world.

Hey @lyya@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Seeing your posts these days, and this community you've made, I have a question.

Why are you so based?

Explain yourself.

She is also probably full of chicken

Eyyyyyyy! Miisha back at her usual antics! Glad to have you around girl! Happy to see your posts!

Yeah, look, you being 100% upfront with your expectations, is a very good thing, and the poly girl from the post does sound really immature, bad at communicating, and avoidant.

However, assuming "defaults", and putting the responsibility on "whoever is the exception", is kinda shitty. It's just normativity (amatonormativity in this case). An excuse, to absolve the side with established power, from their share of mutual responsibility, just because they can, so they often will.

Not communicating expectations, leads to hurt.

Two girls had a relationship for a month. That's a good amount of time. One way or another, both avoided to process and talk about expectations. I relate with that, it's easy to procrastinate complicated stuff, especially when you're scared they might end up deal-breakers in something otherwise beautiful.

However, rules that have not been discussed, are unfair to assume. Even Mono people "date around", the exclusivity isn't assumed at first, as Of The Air said. The discussion itself needs to be had by literally everyone.

This doesn't mean of course that the poly girl doesn't have any responsibility, just because it was not discussed either. I'm assuming she knew you were not experienced with polyamory, @Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone (OP). She knew that, and yet was willing to risk causing you unmitigated pain, with no warning, no checking in, mostly hiding it as well, from what I can infer. That's a shitty thing to live and love through, on your side. She is kind of a big asshole, ignoring your emotions.

And so, shit went south.

I'm not saying this as indictment at all, these are issues that are normal to be messy and inexperienced about. A couple of people were hurt a bunch, due to inexperience and mistakes, and that sucks.

But, Brooke, on an issue of shared, mutual responsibility, I think it's very unfair to try to blame solely "the person who is less standard, because everyone only expects standard".

That's literally kinda bigoted against your own relationship structure girl.

You deserve better than that.

I think they're talking about the mechanics, viewing "those things" (the planes) as wives, the mechanics' autistic (<-complimentary) love transcending material and size, to reach around to lust.

Sounds about right, to be honest.

As another poly person, I agree with your intellectual points. Also, your understanding of the reality of the lie that is, the expectation that a monogamous relationship (or any relationship) will bring stability on its own, is a valid emotional reason for you to be polyamorous.

However, I don't think it's fair to assign all this pain to just the shitty normative expectations that you're talking about.

All breakups hurt. They just hurt.

When people are hurt, they're messy, and they're trying their best to make sense of their situation.

Yeah, their tools for understanding the situation after the fact, may be bad, and not help them heal as well over time, but a lot of this hurt is normal and healthy to feel. It's normal for shitty things like a breakup to be shitty.

Good knowledge of self, understanding of emotions, and the self work that is required for non-standard relationship structures, is a godsend for the period after, for slow thought, coming to terms with a change, all those things.

But the pain of loss is its own thing. Nothing we, nor any societal structures can do about that.

🥺