this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2026
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All of these hard seltzer things are 5% because it's just malt liquor, syrup and water
You drink them and you feel like you're dying because they're only made to fill a product shaped void in your soul instead of being an actual crafted beverage made with tastes in mind
pantera needs to alcoholize their heart attack lemonade
I would absolutely buy a sandwich from Pantera Bread.
BBQ Chicken Cowboy from Hell
Clucking Hostile
The Great Southern Trendgrill
Mouth for War
Unfortunately, the only flavor of Powerade that they carry is the white variety...
Vulgar display of flours
opening a vegan competitor called Plantera Bread
Fun fact: Alcohol slows down your blood pressure while caffeine speeds it up, so can you guess what happens when you combine them?
Your blood pressure goes up speeding up the alcohol through your blood until it hits your brain.
Also makes you drink more than uou normally would
The alcohol soda trend started in 2016, with drinks like Alcohol Root Beer and Alcohol Orange Soda.
Some of the more egregious variations that I have tasted were Alcohol Bojangles Tea and Alcohol Green Monster.
Soda is largely viewed as a beverage for children or immature people. Alcohol is a beverage for adults. In my opinion, combining the 2 ideas represents a rejection of growing up or traditional adult values.
The Hard Seltzer trend is different and started around 2019-2020 with White Claw. Hard Seltzers were part of a health trend. There's almost no sugar in hard seltzers, it's just water and alcohol and carbonation. A can of White Claw hard seltzer has ~100 calories.
On the popsicle website, it says that each Hard Popsicle can has 234 calories with 25 grams of sugar, that's 100 calories of sugar. You are probably right that made Hard Popsicle is made with malt liquor.
I would say that this drink is a Hard Soda rather than a Hard Seltzer because of the amount of sugar.
Wait this is real? What the hell happened, I feel like not that long ago this was the kind of thing advertising departments would nix for sending the wrong "brand values".
Values changed.
Yeah, but now every sports league has an official sports betting partner so when companies say "traditional family values" they just mean they don't support gay rights or miscegenation.
People can call me reactionary all they want, but I don't see how shit like this is anything other than trying to sell alcohol to kids. They are also stupid expensive and it's cheaper to just mix them yourself with cheap liquor.
pretty sure alcopop's been around a lot longer than 2016
Alcopops aren't really a new thing at all
Monster also made a "Nasty Beast" line of hard iced teas. No caffeine, sadly, and they kind of tasted like ass. Par for the course with Monster.
Hard seltzers are a response to the focus on “Craft” and “sense of place” from the Early 2000s Pollan/ locovore era. It’s like fuck yea drink sludge it’ll taste like candy and get u wrecked.
Nah I'm diabetic and it's nice to have a light beer replacement that doesn't include 300 carbs that I'm going to be drinking 12 of watching football on Saturday