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any tips before I have The Talk with my aging parents? (linux.community)

submitted 4 days ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

nothing dangerous, just regular aging stuff I'm not gonna get into.

My parents own 3 fully furnished houses in 2 different cities in the south. The oldest, biggest one should be sold because it is simply too big and too much work for them and I live and work 800 miles away.

There are other issues I want to discuss with them, mainly involving healthcare access, credit, several insurances, what to do when my father cannot drive anymore, hygiene, if they want to age in place AND only in place, but where exactly, DNR and intubation status, will and burial...

They are cognizant but I feel they really don't want to talk about it and like many elder parents they wished these questions simply disappeared.

I've seen so much shit with eldercare and even having a plan doesn't mean shit won't happen, it means you'll know how to react and who to call.

I was thinking about inviting my parents to a meal at a quiet restaurant, pay the waiter handsomely and have an extensive conversation there. I don't want to have such a conversation at home because I don't want them to resent the room where I question their ability to live as independently as before.

I don't know if this makes me an asshole.

There is also a chance they storm out or start yelling at me and give me the silent treatment afterwards.

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[–] TrollAccount69@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 days ago

Am I mistaken or are you the same person who asked if you were the asshole for not planning to attend your fathers funeral after being given an explicit invitation and request to attend because you might see people you don’t like?

If so, consider making amends before tricking your parents into a public place so you can ask them how they want to handle their deaths with a little less chance of your own discomfort.

If possible, enroll in a program of therapy. What you’re experiencing isn’t abnormal, but the way you’re responding to it definitely is. I want you to be healthy and have access to the resources you need during the experience of managing loved ones lives.