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any tips before I have The Talk with my aging parents? (linux.community)

submitted 5 days ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

nothing dangerous, just regular aging stuff I'm not gonna get into.

My parents own 3 fully furnished houses in 2 different cities in the south. The oldest, biggest one should be sold because it is simply too big and too much work for them and I live and work 800 miles away.

There are other issues I want to discuss with them, mainly involving healthcare access, credit, several insurances, what to do when my father cannot drive anymore, hygiene, if they want to age in place AND only in place, but where exactly, DNR and intubation status, will and burial...

They are cognizant but I feel they really don't want to talk about it and like many elder parents they wished these questions simply disappeared.

I've seen so much shit with eldercare and even having a plan doesn't mean shit won't happen, it means you'll know how to react and who to call.

I was thinking about inviting my parents to a meal at a quiet restaurant, pay the waiter handsomely and have an extensive conversation there. I don't want to have such a conversation at home because I don't want them to resent the room where I question their ability to live as independently as before.

I don't know if this makes me an asshole.

There is also a chance they storm out or start yelling at me and give me the silent treatment afterwards.

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[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago

I’ve seen it go both ways.

Grandparents slipping horribly into dementia. Refused help. Kept getting scammed out of money, luckily they had a lot. Kept driving and we kept finding new dings in their car. Had to steal the car keys multiple times.

Finally all of their kids got together and got power of atty and got them set up in a nice care facility. They had to get moved to the memory care area not long after as they kept escaping. They thought they were on a cruise ship or something. Eventually they died but their kids had to do tons of work.

At the other end of the spectrum is this lady that basically set everything up since her mid 50’s. Found a retirement community she liked that had normal homes and then two properties with different stages of assisted living. She’s sent her kids all of the details including funeral arrangements.

She’s still kicking but I expect her passing will go a lot easier than the first couple I spoke of.

Get them to talk to a friend that lives in a retirement community and start taking tours every weekend.