Asklemmy

55310 readers

595 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 7 years ago

MODERATORS

any tips before I have The Talk with my aging parents? (linux.community)

submitted 4 days ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

nothing dangerous, just regular aging stuff I'm not gonna get into.

My parents own 3 fully furnished houses in 2 different cities in the south. The oldest, biggest one should be sold because it is simply too big and too much work for them and I live and work 800 miles away.

There are other issues I want to discuss with them, mainly involving healthcare access, credit, several insurances, what to do when my father cannot drive anymore, hygiene, if they want to age in place AND only in place, but where exactly, DNR and intubation status, will and burial...

They are cognizant but I feel they really don't want to talk about it and like many elder parents they wished these questions simply disappeared.

I've seen so much shit with eldercare and even having a plan doesn't mean shit won't happen, it means you'll know how to react and who to call.

I was thinking about inviting my parents to a meal at a quiet restaurant, pay the waiter handsomely and have an extensive conversation there. I don't want to have such a conversation at home because I don't want them to resent the room where I question their ability to live as independently as before.

I don't know if this makes me an asshole.

There is also a chance they storm out or start yelling at me and give me the silent treatment afterwards.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

If you can find a way to bring in a neutral 3rd party to be the one suggesting things it should make it feel to them less like their kid telling them what to do.

You could try blaming AI and have AI suggest they do XYZ.

I know people hate AI but it makes a great mediator because usually people consider it a neutral party

Edit: not the same, but for younger people who might want to head off this situation, I used to teach financial literacy and made an assignment to watch this 5 minute video with their parents and ask them what their thoughts were about it. It was well received overall and primes your parents to think about how their financial decisions in old age will also effect their children.