this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2026
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Third attempt: I've heard many, many, many more women say IRL they won't date shorter than women who express no preference. I think that's enough to establish that it is logically a disadvantage, albeit not an insurmountable one.
I have literally never met a person that actually had a 6' height requirement for dating. All of my girlfriends have dated men shorter than them at some point. I was married to a man an inch shorter than me and I had his kid. This is anecdotal and obviously there are some out there with this crazy requirement, but I do think it's overblown online.
When people lead with their insecurities, it's a turn off for most.
The first date I had with my current husband, I asked him why he had the line "I'm close to 6 feet if it matters" in his dating profile. He didn't have a solid answer beyond thinking that's what women wanted. I advised him to delete it because it's leading with insecurity and most women don't give a fuck and the women that DO give a fuck probably aren't going to be good partners anyway.
Specifically I mean many women's expressly stated prreference for men taller than them, not a 6-ft minimum. I agree with you on your dating advice,but also sympathize with people trying to figure out why they keep getting rejected on-line--the mind will always find a personal reason without acknowledging that online dating is intrinsically horrible.
Tall women have a similar disadvantage when dating as most men prefer to have partners that are shorter than them.
Dating kinda sucks.
I’m a tall woman who has dated mainly shorter men. There are two types. The ones who put their arm around your waist proudly parade you around in public (makes you feel like a supermodel).
And the ones who are quietly furious and take it as a continuous personal insult that you dare to be taller (makes you feel like a big gross monster who needs to slouch in shame).
I imagine some women get too tired of the latter to keep searching for the former.
The first type are so great and so fun to date.
The quiet resentment from the second type is insidious.
I don't get the insecurity and resentment about height but I suppose that's bc I don't understand it about anything
Woman makes more than me? Please ffs let me find you. I want to stay home with my kid and not babysit adults.
You're strong and can labor around here? Please ffs I could use a hand.
Smarter than know it all me?! Awesome! Help me figure things out and tell me your opinions so I can rest my overloaded brain.
Strong willed? Dom? Please please please - let me sub out - I make every fucking decision for everyone for decades. Tell me what to do. Slap me around if you want. Streets and sheets. I'm so tired.
Over a foot taller than my short ass? Wow - I kinda feel like the shit. 20s misogynist me is bragging about getting with someone so desirable that other short guys wouldn't be able to.
I don't get the point of hating women. There's like this whole other 50% of the population that brings this entirely unique perspective, wants to participate and have agency in life, proactively telling you they want the space to thrive... Just let all the ships rise and bring our sisters up with us.
Or I can be a whiny bitch about my dick feeling small bc women are fucking g's too...
Yeah, no brainer for me.
That’s exactly why I married a man like you :)
Love each other tons! It's hard to find the real deal!
Is there a song about heteropessimism I can link here?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdh9irHuk-U&ra=m
All I ask for is respect
I don't get it from the state
And I don't get it from men
You take up spaces that aren't yours
Because of history, on whose side?
Oh right, it's always yours
And I just want, yeah, I just want
Not to be needed, not to be looked at
With a menace and the thought of breeding
And it's alright, let's step outside
And you can feel I'd rather
Show my wrath, get spit upon and learn the reasons why
Why can't I walk in the street without men bothering me?
Why does he poison my heart
Control my life from afar?
I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no
One step out of line and I'm done
Medieval punishment for saying, I will make you cum
Mosquito, an evil, you suck out all my blood
I'll crush you like the bug you are, underneath my thumb
Wants to get rid of me 'cause he's afraid
Sick of thoughts of me taking his place
Refuse to back down in the eye of your hate
I'll push you right back from whence you came
Why can't I walk in the street without men bothering me?
Why does he poison my heart
Control my life from afar?
I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no
When they don't stop, when you say stop
When they don't stop, when you say stop
When they stand too close on the sidewalk
My clothes don't have pockets
And I'm forced to want it
Complain about a condom
I hate you, love you, it's Stockholm
Not your pretty girl, I never will be
Don't look me up and down like I'm a piece of meat
I see how you degrade with no shame
So hear me when I say
I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no
Yes, it's definitely a start to a lot of more interesting questions, like:
I think a lot of the debate around this is really about male entitlement. Men are absolutely shocked and horrified that women turn them down and react badly, and women are super-annoyed that the men who complain about shortness the most have a shitton of more pressing issues interfering with their dating lives (often hilariously including exacting physical standards).
I'm firmly on the side of toppling the patriarchy, but I don't see the role of gaslighting in that endeavor.
Is it gaslighting to be realistic and push back on the manosphere lies about scarcity in dating?
Telling boys and men that their height will have all women rejecting them is poisonous and harms them overall. And it's blatantly not true.
I didn't say nobody would date them. I said it's a disadvantage.
I guess the discussion online is always in context of online debates and not real life. Online, we have to fight red-pill propaganda constantly, so the simple reality that being a shorter man makes dating harder becomes some sort of weird battleground, where to concede that point is capitulation to manosphere agenda.
That's the only way I can make sense of the differenges between IRL and online discussions of this issue.
I get it. Like if I'm talking to someone (anywhere) and they just randomly volunteer that black people in the US commit more crimes, I'm assuming they're not about to start talking about systemic injustices that lead to black people being surveilled, arrested, and convicted disproportionately. Might as well also say, “I'm not racist, but it's the culture.”
But in my case, it is simply that I've heard from plenty of women that they don't like to date shorter men, and I've seen plenty of jokes made at the expense of short men in media (including fat-positive Shrek), that it drives me absolutely bonkers to deny it.
The only other thing it could be is generational. I'm Gen X. Maybe younger gen honestly does not care and that's why our experiences are different.
I recognized that it is a disadvantage and that it is not disimilar to the disadvantages tall women have when dating.
No one is denying that women generally prefer partners that are taller than them. What I'm denying is the prevalence of the problem.
You're not trying to attract all women. You're trying to attract a partner. There's a significant difference there that should be recognized a little more imo.
My son's father was 5'6". For the entire time we were together, he told everyone he was 5'10". I am all of 5' nothing, so I cant tell. Some time after we broke up, I dated someone who was actually 5'10" and I just.. giggled at the lie my son's father told, but ultimately was left confused as to why.
The women who do give a fuck about a man's hieght definately arent going to be good partners. Be confortable in your own skin, I say.
Height isnt everything. The guy I dated after, told me once, "I cant look in the mirror because I hate myself so much I want to smash the mirror". And like, what a place to be, but.. he had height, it wasnt a magic cure to finding love, inside or in life, at all.
As a woman, if he had told me he was 5'10" I would have laughed right in his face (because I am 5'6").
I've seen 180 cm listed as the minimum on a bunch of Tinder profiles, but I've never swiped right on any of them to find out if they're serious. It's a bit below 6', 6' flat is about the average male height but we use the metric system so easier to just write 180 cm rather than 183 or whatever.
It's also usually been short women for some reason. Seen plenty of 180+ cm tall women on Tinder too and none have had a minimum height requirement listed.
Do note that when I say "a bunch", I don't mean a super high percentage, because I've spent enough years on Tinder to have seen thousands of people here in a country of ~1.3 million and the ones who had a minimum height requirement would be in the two or three digit count.
Usually it's like "pls be over 180 cm", "swipe left if you're a boy under 180 cm" (with the diminutive form of 'boy' used) or something like that.
That still leaves like 99% of women not putting that in their bio, but if you have low self-esteem and get few matches, you just notice all the ones that do and think "hmm maybe the others just don't say it out loud".
And that's exactly how the manosphere red-pilled ideologies take hold. They deliberately target vulnerable young men that are finding their footing in the world and telling them it's all women's fault for their woes.
Eh. This is about as true as saying women with a small cup size are courted by straight men 'grudgingly' with 'dissatisfaction'. Could it be a disqualifing physical trait for some men? Yep. Is it at all representative of the dating field? No.
I've met very, very few women with actual opinions about the 6ft thing... and no offense to those people, their personalities in general did not, well, have a broad appeal.
Right? If I saw a dating profile that listed a preferred cup size or weight, I’d steer clear even if I fit the criteria. Having an arbitrary dating requirement based on something so shallow is a red flag. Why bother engaging with someone like that? I’d hope the tall men that such women seek recognize that as well.
They don't need to say it, it's all over the manosphere. Most people don't give a fuck and no one should want to date the kind that do.
so:denial.
I've talked to plenty of women who openly admit they wouldn't date someone shorter, including women whom I've dated.
The six-foot minimum thing is a seperate issue, but I think I tend to agree; though online dating is cruelty-magnifying machine.
Most men prefer to date women that are shorter than them as well.
I'm interested in guys shorter than me. I have friends who dated/are dating men shorter than them.
Any preference is just that. People don't get involved with people they're not compatible with. In fact, you won't be romantically compatible with most people you meet, and a lot of the reasons will be things you have no control over.
I know men who openly admit they wouldn't date someone heavier or taller than them either. It's not a source for complaint though, because no one owes you their romantic interest.
Hell, post a picture of an overweight woman anywhere on lemmy and see what happens. Post a picture of a short dude and compare comments.
When I was dating in my 20's, I wanted someone taller. I thought it reasonable because im 5 foot.. and chubby. Skinny short guys made me feel like I was a monster cuddling with them, and I felt fatter than I was. That was it. I still dated a few short skinny guys. Sometimes people just say things.
I'm short as fuck and have never had a problem when I actually put in the effort. Obviously not everyone I would have liked was interested in me but that's not something unique to short dudes. People aren't attracted to each other for all sorts of reasons. Showing up, taking care of myself, and just being nice to everyone got me really far. The short dudes I see in my circle (all of whom are taller than me) that complain about it are just straight unpleasant to be around a lot of the time. They're so fixated on getting laid that they can't just interact with women on a platonic level. When they're not making everyone uncomfortable they're whining about their lot in life. They need to focus on getting their own shit together and building their self esteem but they refuse to acknowledge that they might be the problem because it's easier just to blame everyone else for discriminating them.
There are a lot of women who want tall dudes, there are a lot of dudes that want women with big tits. Pretty much everyone has to settle somewhere below their ideals in terms of the attractiveness of their partner. Some people have things that they won't settle on but we can't really control that, you just have to get over it. Why would you want to date someone who isn't attracted to you anyway? There are an absolute shitload of people who are less than perfect in the looks department to meet and try to find a match that works for you. You just have to get out there and do it.
Ugh. That was the not-so-short guy that I tried to be friends with! He was just constantly horny all the time, talking to women sitting at a table eating dinner because it was sort-of-close to the bar. Then when he did finally find someone, he resented her and himself for having so much horny sex. But even he wasn't about this red-pilled You Must Be As Tall As This Sign nonsense, he just never made much of an effort with women taller than him unless he was drunk, which was seemingly most of the time. Anyway.
But, yeah, short is a disadvantage, maybe a bigger disadvantage than other things, but it's not an insurmountable problem that dooms you to celibacy. Just weird to me that it seems controversial to just say it out loud that it is a disadvantage. But I guess, again, it's about the context people are hearing it in, context I tend to miss.
I dont get why if you are short you have to hate on women that dont date under 6'. There's a majority who literally dont give a fuck why do you HAVE to want the ones that do?
There's certainly something there in not wasting time and energy hating [insert negative descriptor] people, but I think actively hate and passively have a hugely negative opinion on are different things.
No, actually, we don't need to conflate being short with being less than six feet tall. Literally the majority of men are under six feet. This is the equivalent of thinking you're fat because you're above a size 0. It's not healthy.
I agree with you. I meant men shorter than their potential partners.
Nah
This comment gives off short energy