this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2026
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Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself a little. I had started getting more active under a difference account but decided to start a new one as my old username could potentially be traced back to some defunct pre--transition social media.

You can call me Cily (pronounced like "silly"). I am in my mid thirties and started coming out a little over a year ago. I've been on HRT since December and am excited to be more active on Lemmy and get to know y'all more. I've been so impressed and happy to see a lot of folks sharing photos. I doubt I'll get to the point where I feel safe enough to post my own photos but I still hope that I can share some of my experiences and feel like a part of the community.

Feel free to ask me questions or introduce yourselves! Thank you for having me :)

-Cily

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[–] That_Bitch_Is_Cily@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Hello!

May I ask how you'd like to be referred to if not by your username?

I cracked several years ago but, like I'm sure many folks experience, I fought actually transitioning until it got to a point where it couldn't be contained anymore. Once I finally became aware of my gender incongruence, I thought I could manage it by separating it between my public and personal personas. Like a demi-gender or bi-gender sort of thing. The dichotomy of feeling so comfortable and secure in my femininity at home vs the distress of having an identity that didn't fit that everyone else in my life saw got to be too much. The growing anti-trans sentiment spreading across the globe pushed me over the edge and I will not allow a bunch of old ugly people dictate who I can and can't be.

Spite powered me through the early stages of transitioning. That was until I was able to see something in myself to truly love.

As I transitioned, I learned that my hesitancy was rooted in a lot of internalized transphobia. Like I thought that I would never achieve the unrealistically high expectations I had for my desired outcome so why try, or that everyone would always know I'm trans as if that's a bad thing. It's taken a lot to unpack all that and it's crazy to reflect on because I feel so adorable and confident now.

I've been lurking around the blahaj zone for a while, like almost 2 years lol. I've gotten to recognize several of the more active members and this space feels so comfortable. I'm eternally grateful to girlies like Dandelion who wrote of her experiences so eloquently and openly that it really helped me process my early transition and see a pathway through it. I hope that I can carry that torch and share more of myself as time goes on :)

Thanks for commenting!

[–] Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Ohhh no, slight misunderstanding, I love that name, it's just even worse now than my old one for similar reasons as the ones you mentioned x)

Yeah, I think that's the path most of us walk for a while. I feel like the outlier here, the moment I cracked I pushed for everything transition as fast as I could, still do. It somehow gave me a decisiveness I couldn't ever have imagined. Not that there were no anxiety or doubt, but I could manage.

That was until I was able to see something in myself to truly love.

it’s crazy to reflect on because I feel so adorable and confident now.

These are so beautiful, I'm real happy for you :). Eager to see what you're going to share, when you feel like it.

[–] That_Bitch_Is_Cily@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I feel like the outlier here, the moment I cracked I pushed for everything transition as fast as I could, still do.

So I consider my egg cracking a different not event from starting to transition.This was me once I started coming out. I speed ran my social transition and just hopscotched from one milestone to another. Its like I spent so much time figuring out what I wanted from transitioning that once I made the decision I was just like "okay, let's go".

[–] Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Oh I got that, I think that's how it goes for most of us? The realization of being trans followed by a phase of what one's gonna do with it.

For me these events just overlapped pretty much. Of course the cracking took a while, but the second I actually got it (when I finally read through the gender dysphoria bible) was the same moment where I decided I'll transition and come out to my loved ones ASAP. I've been searching for that answer for over a decade, when I finally got it I jumped in real fast. Still not sure where I took the guts for that from tbh.

Still not sure where I took the guts for that from tbh.

I get that. Some of my friends have told me how brave I am and I'm just like "I don't really feel brave, I just got fed up". Thank you for sharing :)

[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

ah this is so beautiful, thanks for writing it out