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Pretty much anything to get a groan or chuckle out of my wife.
One time while cutting up an avocado I remarked that they need better prizes, because I always get the same one- a little wooden ball.
That was of course good for a groan, but it would not be the end of it. I tend to do most of our cooking, and since our kitchen is kind of small my wife is usually in the living room while I am and can't really see what I'm doing
So now whenever I'm cutting up an avocado I let out a groan of disappointment. And since my wife is a loving, caring sort of person she always asks "what's the matter?"
To which I reply with an exasperated "Another little wooden ball"
Going on 10 years, and she falls for in any time.
--
This isn't one I think particularly much of, I wasn't even particularly trying to be funny, but my wife got quite a chuckle out of it, so it ranks. I was doing dishes, while she was again in the other room, I think on the phone with her mother.
I go to grab a spoon to clean from the rather large pile in the sink, which set off a bit of a chain reaction of dishes and pots shifting around and making a bit of a racket.
I paused for moment, and just kind of commented out loud to myself "huh, so that was a load-bearing spoon"
And apparently something about that delivery made my wife crack up.
--
Another time I was dead tired and crashed early, and was apparently not very willing to share the blankets or pillows or something when my wife came to join me.
Being more asleep than awake, I mumbled that she could pry them from my cold dead hands WHen she tried to get me to give some bedding up for her use.
Unfortunately for me, my wife is one of those people who is always somehow cold, and so she just applied her icy hands to my body, causing me to exclaim "AAH, COLD DEAD HANDS!"
--
I once showed her a picture of a snake I saw when I was out for a hike. She asked me how big it was, I told her about 2 feet
Which I also told her is 2 more than most snakes have.
--
I pointed out some geese, and asked if she knows how geese fly in a V-formation, which of course she did. Then I asked if she knew why sometimes one side of the V was longer than the other, she did not
I informed her that it's because that side has more geese.