I'm making this post on a throwaway anonymous account because I want to ask something about how my mind works that I'm deeply ashamed of, and I want to hear honest opinions of other people's perspective - probably mostly men but ofc anyone is welcome to answer. I'm obviously a man, in my late 20's.
It's about seeing attractive people in public. I'm talking about seeing girls but I guess it applies to anyone you're attracted to.
I know I'm not supposed to stare but I can't help it. Little glances when I think they're not looking, looking at their bum or chest or face or legs. I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look. If they're nearby it's like they occupy my mind and I have to keep looking, and I keep thinking about them and picturing them nude and imagining putting my hands on them. Never interacting, never saying anything, never openly staring, but just internally in my head.
tbh it's not even just attractive girls, it's basically all girls. If any girl has walked past me in the street or the store or on a bus, I have almost certainly checked her out. When I'm driving my head will turn away from the road to look at a girl on the sidewalk as I pass. I went to the beach this weekend and I couldn't keep my eyes in front of me because of all of the girls in bikinis, and some of them undoubtedly noticed me looking.
It's like I'm constantly scoping out everyone in my vicinity at all times, and always looking at their boobs and bums semi-consciously, and I can't really stop. I know it's horrible and creepy, and it probably makes them uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen anyway. And I can't even say why really.. it's not like I get pleasure from looking at them, or that I'm looking for someone who I could approach or anything. There's literally no reason for it. It's just this passive activity that my brain automatically does to all girls at all times. And.. I will pick a different route to walk along a more busy street just because I know there will be more girls to look at.
When a guy walks past I probably couldn't tell you what he was wearing, or his hairstyle, or what he looks like. I don't notice. But when a girl walks past I notice all the details of her appearance, her body shape, her boobs in particular, her hair and face. I'm kinda disgusted by this aspect of my mind.
Obviously I know people find other people attractive and check people out. But.. is it this constant for everyone? Are you unable to keep your eyes and mind away when someone attractive walks past? Does looking at others' bodies constantly occupy your mind when you're in public? Or am I just so starved that it's broken my brain? Is this internal obsession with girls' bodies just what it's like to be a straight guy.. or am I different??
On the self release Vs sex aspect: cumming from wanking and cumming from fucking are two very different experiences, the latter being much more pleasurable and also kinda draining your desire for longer. TMI: If my wife's not around I can probably go for three wanks a day, but she kills for me half a day at least if not more, lol. So yeah, you're not out in the world thinking about it.
Yeah, there must be something different going on at the biological level. I imagine that because you know what's coming during autostimulation, the experience is very different - similar to tickling. Tickling yourself is nowhere near the experience it is as when somebody tickles you.
And there is also a big difference between fucking and making love.
I don't think it's the tickling thing. It's a fair hypothesis, but it doesn't feel right to me. To me I think it's the emotional connection of doing something with another person, and the physical connection of two (or more) people working together. Like, I'd say that throwing a ball up into the air and catching it again just isn't as fun as throwing a ball back and forth between people is, and there's no biological imperative there. There isn't a lust for tossing the ball with the boys. But it's a group activity, and group activities fill a different need than solo activities, which is a different biological imperative.
So I think joinking it fulfills only part of the craving, but leaves other parts unfulfilled, which is why as soon as that part recovers the body is like "okay, let's try again"
It's probably a mix of both and a few other things.
Two very good points, professor! 👌