this post was submitted on 11 May 2026
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No, they get it. Being miserable when it's optional is really satisfying.
No. We don't.
Don't you fucking try telling me you know better about my country.
I don't pretend to know imperialism and tea and you isn't pretend to know miserable cunts, okay?
That's fantastic, just delightful. Thanks!
I do get the sarcasm, and quite right you are to use it. And I can't really comment on it, since sarcasm is really your thing, so...
But my point is that you are right in that being miserable can be satisfying... when it's an option.
It's not an option here.
Not being a miserable cunt will get you labeled literally mentally ill.
I mean I am mentally ill. These days? You'd have to be crazy not to! I'm lucky though, I cope with humour and I'm really easily amused.
All my life my favourite people have been anhedonic, corrosive misfits. Like if Eeyore had a CBT kink, right? So when you come at me like that I'm genuinely charmed.
Sorry that it's not an option though, I do have empathy for that. I don't mean to make light of it, I just recognised the stereotype and connected a dot.
God I'm fucking tired of this "I know what you feel like" bs. No, I'm trying to tell you you don't.
I'm telling you that whatever you consider anhedonic is still on a different magnitude of indifference. And I'm also telling you I know I won't be able to convey it, unless you learn fluent Finnish. My therapist is English, he has fluent Finnish, and he does get what I'm talking about.
But just to give a clue.
Imagine that you get tortured for three days. Then you call your mom afterwards as soon as you can, because ofc you do, who wouldn't cry for their mommy after three days of torture.
Then your mom goes, "well, perhaps you had it coming?"
Now list all the implications of that sentence. Imagine what it'd do to your belief in your mom and your society in general. But you genuinely won't be able to imagine that. But I have here a document from the Finnish police who investigated themselves and found no fault in anything they did. Quelle surprise.
Not a hypothetical, btw. Then imagine trying to find a single person who shares your language to be able to even talk about this. Not someone who's on my side. No. Just someone even willing to argue it. They don't exist. I show Finns this and they pretend it doesn't exist.
That's just the epitome of it all. I have literally hundreds of examples.
God I wish I was born with the genes that would allow me to be so stubbornly ignorant and patriotic as well. But no, I had to go and be literate and have the ability to criticise things. Fuck you, Lord.
That is a payload of damage. Fuck me, you all live like that?
Sorry for joking earlier, I can see now why you're not laughing. This is an order of magnitude higher than what I was talking about. How is it the Russians have more of a reputation for being grim?
Yup, just ignore any and all bad feelings.
ANY and ALL negative feelings.
I think I'm moral. When I was about 20 my (fat) brothers girlfriend wanted to get it on with me. Told her no, as she's with him. She said "well what if I wasn't". I said "still no, it would hurt his feelings". 15 years later I learn he fucked my girlfriend at the time. He didn't give a fuck. (the gf was a slut slept with everyone. We're still friends though, as I can understand being a sex maniac)
My younger brother promised me he'd come help me out to clean my apartment, as I washed his floors and lent my car to him for a week as he was moving. (I find it easy to clean for others just so depressed I can't do it myself in my own apt). A week ago I asked my British therapist how I could kindly express that I don't like being excluded when him and one of my friends plays arc. And he is my friend, but they also know each other. That started after I had a bit of a yell when getting ratted for the umpteenth time when playing trios. As I never play solos but they do. Im too depressed to play alone. Anyway, instead of including me to help with my depression they decided it's just easier to ignore me completely.
So I asked my lil bro about that a week ago. Haven't heard a word from him since.
There's a lot more of them and they can actually communicate that theyre grim because they understand they are. Finns don't understand it. Hell, even the word "include" doesn't even translate well. There's a million other ones that just don't really translate well. Ofc you can get your meaning across and translate somewhat accurately, but the connotations don't follow.
So just like North-Koreans don't really have a word for human rights, we sort of similarly lack certain concepts in the language, implicitly. It's hard to explain. It's not like Finns are as ignorant of emotions as North Koreans are of human rights, but like...
Idk. Some sort of weird fucking thing. And I hate that I don't have it, because it means I don't belong. And when you don't belong in Finland, people let you know.
Also the capital area is less emotionally stunted even if similar. But I understand this may be biased, and my experiences are mostly to do with SW Finland, ironically also the region is called "Finland Proper" (Varsinais-Suomi). People in the NE could be totally different for all I know (and do know a little bit and it seems they're not as introverted), but that's arguable.
Edit also that's just like a third of the cell. I wrote the whole cell. >300 words in my own blood. That's a fucking novella.
The part about it being at least partly a limitation of the language I do get, I've been saying for years and years how the dumbing down of spoken language is screwing up society, because thoughts are words, and if you don't have the words you don't have the thoughts. I just didn't appreciate it was so bad in Finnish language.
It would make all the sense in the world if you think you're depressed, but keep in mind that sometimes depression is situational - you might just be surrounded by assholes. I hope it gets easier. I'll remember you in case we cross paths again on here.
This isn't a recent thing. It's inherent in the language.
You know, there's a tribe of people, somewhere in Australia iirc, who don't have the word for "left" and "right" in their vocabulary. This means they always use absolute directions. Like "move the painting 3cm south". Because of this, they have an amazing sense of direction, because it's so tied to their language.
In English, one uses very specific pronouns and names a lot of the time. Hell, here's one extreme example of a generalised, but still specific pronoun. https://youtu.be/Ebb272kjmWQ spoiler, it's Ian Mckellen saying how much he loves it when in Manchester, people just call people "love", so casually. You know I can't even say the word "love" in Finnish without being mocked. People in Finnish just don't use the word "rakkaus" as much. It's there, but you'd never use it as much or as casually as in English, like you can't just yell "love you" to someone while running out the door. Hell, I can probably count with one hand the times people have said it to me. I said it last to my grandma, the last words I spoke to her.
Thank you a lot for saying that. But since I'm unable to travel, it's hard for me to verify. And everyone keeps acting as if I'm the arsehole for asking for basic politeness or acknowledgement of my feelings. I just feel people perhaps get enough of that from their closest friends in Finland, so they're used to not giving it to just occasional friends. But the problem is my mom dragged me from one school to the next when I was growing up so I don't have any of those long term friendships. I did, but some of them also started avoiding me when I didn't hide my opinion that cannabis should be legalised. Genuinely, a couple whom I drove to and from drinking most weekends, watch them fight, waited (with an actual taxi I was driving as my job), herded them, and actually I've even carried out the guy rolled up in a mat with his vomit, like some sort of disgusting kebab-roll where he's the meat and the vomit is the sauce, and **they didn't invite me to their wedding because I'm "a junkie" for smoking weed.
Ugh sorry, traumadumping. But yeah. I'd like to see if it's just the society, but I've never afforded a vacation and don't have friends to go with even if I did
I'll prolly try to save up some cash and do a trip somewhere. Seems like the best choice to see if lifes worth living.
Surrounded by assholes, I'm convinced. The thing is, people are mainly situational and the situation you're in seems too big to fix on your own. In your shoes I'd escape any way I can to wherever I can get to. Spend some time somewhere warm, or at least warm-hearted. If you find a place that feels more accepting, straight up move there. You can do it.
That's pretty much exactly what I've been trying to communicate to friends and family, but then it's always just seen as me being a complaining / demanding jerk, so then I just isolate my self a bit more.
It's like I'm drowning and I know how to swim, yeah, but I've been swimming too long and I just need some life saver or something. And it sort of feels like my family is just there on the edge of a pier where I can see, yelling at me to "swim harder", basically. Even when they could very well help. Oh well.
Thank you s thousand times again for the affirmation. Yeah, that's another word that doesn't directly translate to Finnish, lol.
Oh lol I go off on a tangent don't I. I started talking about the language, then just traumadunped.
Anyway so like Finns use passive voice all the time, it's sort of built in. And no-one really calls each other by their name. And if people use my name it's sort of childishly in third person "oh I wonder if Dasus would want to do x/y" even when it was just a 3 person chat with me and my brothers. So annoying. And we call people "it" all the time. Using the formal "hän" is like for official language (and pets, pets get the respectable form).
But yeah it's hard to convey how much distancing language there is inherently built into Finnish language. And I think that's the problem. Especially because I tend to think in English and have done since I started being more or less fluent like 20 years ago. Nowadays it's practically all English. Also the reason I have an English therapist. (They are accredited psychologists in Finland and fluent in Finnish but we've never spoken Finnisj with them) (and i use the neutral pronoun just because I don't need to specify I don't think. Also Finnish btw doesn't have gendered pronouns or really anything gendered, except in terms of some loan words)