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Lauren Boebert Offers To Personally Jerk Off Any Constituents She Offended (www.theonion.com)

submitted 1 year ago by nkat2112@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

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WASHINGTON—In an effort to address voters hurt by recent actions that resulted in her being thrown out of a theatrical performance, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) announced Friday that she would personally jerk off any constituents she offended. “In the past week, I’ve heard from many supporters who were concerned by my behavior in recently released footage, which is why I’m offering to make things good between us by jacking you off,” said Boebert, instructing supporters to contact her office with proof of Colorado residency and she would personally travel to their home to deliver an on-the-house tugjob. “As a disclaimer, I will be wearing a latex glove and you need to wipe yourself off afterwards. I’m not going to do that. I’m serious about making amends, however, so feel free to rest your hand on my breasts, if necessary. Just know that this a one week only deal. So get in touch soon.” At press time, Boebert also warned her constituents that she planned to vape the entire time.

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[+] xantoxis@lemmy.world -11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

IDK, this is a little slut-shamey for the onion. Honestly her being kinda slutty is the only thing relatable about her, maybe pick one of the 19 other things she can fairly be attacked on?

[–] Wahots@pawb.social 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not downvoting ya, but when you, a public servant, are found groping your bf unabashedly in public, you might get some jokes, and I think that's totally fine.

They were told more than a few times that their general behavior was making people uncomfortable, and her response (when shown the door) was "do you know who I am?" which made it even funnier that she wasn't ashamed by it.

If my friends saw something even remotely similar, the jokes would be similar, and the ribbing would be fine. Of course, I'm also not trashy enough to do it in a theater of all places, and I also am not absolutely unhinged and angry about everything, so I got that going for me.

-sex positive, nudist, queer af lemmy poster ;)

[–] kameecoding@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

i don't think it's slut shaming it's just hypocrisy shaming.

[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The problem isn't the sluttiness, it's the hypocracy and doing it in public that's the issue. If this were actually real, I don't think many Democrat voters would mind it, but conservative voters would. That's the issue. She votes and speaks to prevent consenting adults from doing what they want, yet she does what she did in public.