AskTransgender

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[CW: Mentions Suicide] How to get over regret about bottom surgery without killing myself? (programming.dev)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by MarthaPuppyGirl@programming.dev to c/asktransgender@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn't say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it's healed for over a month and it hasn't gone away. It's gotten worse! I feel like I'm broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn't fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.

Don't tell me that I don't regret it and that regret is rare. This isn't the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don't regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.

I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I'll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.

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[–] hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wait... is that actually how long it takes?!? I've not looked into this at all yet because surgery as a concept makes me quite squeamish.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago

It depends on what we mean by "fully healed". It also varies from person to person. My physician's assistant under the surgeon told me that vaginoplasty is one of the most varied surgeries in terms of rate of recovery.

In my experience, a lot of healing happened in the first 3 months, and then by 6 months I was cleared for penetrative sex.

12 months is often presented as a time when the aesthetics are not likely to change much and you're "fully" healed - but this can vary significantly.

Even at 9 months I feel almost fully healed, though I still have some sensitivity on my labia (like it's a little bruised), and I have some skin still healing from where a skin graft didn't take and I had complications - but even that hasn't stopped me from rough penetrative sex, and I don't even have skin or other tissue sloughing off onto my dilator when I dilate, or visible when I douche - I just notice that some of the skin is very white where it's still healing.