Transfem
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Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
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- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Honestly, sometimes they might be dumb as shit and they don’t necessarily know they’re staring. Or that they shouldn’t be obviously staring.
The Venn diagram of hyper-masculine men and very stupid men approaches a circle.
Full disclosure, in one instance, I have been that staring man, only out of specific curiosity and never out of hostility. There was an employee at Microcenter that transitioned, and I honestly couldn't tell if it was the same employee I recognized from their pre-transition days. So I tried to subtly figure it out without verbally asking and still probably ended up making it uncomfortable.
oh, there's a difference between that kind of peeking-to-see style staring, and the kind of staring we're talking about.
Here are some examples of the staring we're talking about:
1. I walk into a grocery store (this is early transition, so I look more or less like a man in a dress, or a man in a skirt with a blouse, etc.). On the opposite end of the store, there are a group of 20-something men who all blonde, wearing sleeveless shirts showing off their muscular arms, and they're talking to an older man. When I walk in, all of them start to turn and look at me. They continue to look at me as they talk and move about the store. I am still grocery shopping and minutes later they're still just openly staring, not looking away when I look up at them. They don't stop until they leave the store.
2. I am having dinner with three other women (I'm the only trans one, and I still look like a man in a dress). We're sitting outside on a picnic bench, and there multiple rows of benches. Sitting diagonal to my right is a man maybe in his 50s with his family. Every time I look up, he's looking at me. He doesn't look away, even when I meet his eyes. This lasts over an hour, the sun sets and he's still staring at me.
This is different from normal people staring at me or taking glances because I was visibly trans and they were curious, e.g. one time I was at a table in a restaurant the family next to us started to peek and look at me because at some point in the evening I outed myself and ended up on their radar, but the family sorta had their initial look and curiosity fulfilled, and then went back to their evening. This is a different kind of staring than what OP and I are describing, which is more like the intense / unwavering stare that some (in my experience usually only older, or hyper-masculine) men will do.
Anyway, don't worry too much about the worker you took a glance at, it's very unlikely you were perceived as one of these aggressive men.
I really appreciate the explanation. I'm glad that is not what I did and disgusted, but not surprised in the least, that other men do that shit.
Hm, maybe - though I'm more inclined to think they just don't have appropriate social shame (i.e. they're socially "dumb" or less considerate). Maybe transgressing social norms by appearing as "a man in a dress" pushes them to feel like they have a moral license to violate social politeness norms by staring? I've noticed even transphobic women don't tend to stare, which makes me wonder why - maybe women are just more polite / less likely to violate social norms?
I still can't disambiguate the reason for the staring, though - it doesn't feel like neutral curiosity, there is an intimidating or hostile component to the staring, but that never felt like a full or complete explanation. Something always felt weirdly sexual about it, but not that they were sexually interested, which makes it hard for me to pinpoint the vibe exactly.
I kind of get the feeling that they're seeing us as sexual objects that the rules don't apply to, so they might be able to do whatever they want to us without consequence. One of those things is violating social norms by staring excessively, so even if they're not really interested sexually they might take advantage of what they see as free real estate. Idk it definitely feels like a precursor to a really bad time.