this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2026
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So, as you probably all know, last Sunday was the international womens day. To celebrate some people organized a "no mens" party (everyone was welcome except men). So I got all dressed up (wore a very cozy wool pullover, a skirt and some leggings), did some makeup and went there, since I was helping out at the bar. Another thing I should is, that I am just 3 months into HRT and therefore am not anywhere near passing (especially since I am very tall and have quite a deep voice). Since we were two people at the bar and there werent that many people I quickly went to get some food. So I went to the next "restaurant", ordered and sat down to wait. this place was focused on "takeaway food" and is therefore quite small. There was this one man, that sat there with a glass of beer in a hand and this motherfucker did not even try to hide, that he was staring at me. He literally turned his head whenever I moved. I guess it wasnt in a sexual way, but I guess he has never seen a "man" wear a skirt and leggings. He did not do anything else, but I was never so glad I could leave a place.

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[โ€“] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hm, maybe - though I'm more inclined to think they just don't have appropriate social shame (i.e. they're socially "dumb" or less considerate). Maybe transgressing social norms by appearing as "a man in a dress" pushes them to feel like they have a moral license to violate social politeness norms by staring? I've noticed even transphobic women don't tend to stare, which makes me wonder why - maybe women are just more polite / less likely to violate social norms?

I still can't disambiguate the reason for the staring, though - it doesn't feel like neutral curiosity, there is an intimidating or hostile component to the staring, but that never felt like a full or complete explanation. Something always felt weirdly sexual about it, but not that they were sexually interested, which makes it hard for me to pinpoint the vibe exactly.

I kind of get the feeling that they're seeing us as sexual objects that the rules don't apply to, so they might be able to do whatever they want to us without consequence. One of those things is violating social norms by staring excessively, so even if they're not really interested sexually they might take advantage of what they see as free real estate. Idk it definitely feels like a precursor to a really bad time.