this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2026
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My male best friend and I have known each other since we were 12, and we both happen to be foreigners in the country we’re living in (I’m from Switzerland, and he’s from India). We’re super close and talk about anything and everything. My boyfriend doesn’t care about it, but he still says that my best friend is just “waiting for his turn with me.” However, he trusts me, and I’m happy, so it’s cool. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a best friend of the opposite gender. I also read a thread on another site about it, and opinions were mixed, so I’m curious what you think.

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[–] lath@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago

My thoughts are that if the conditions allow it, at one's (everyone) worst, you will entertain the idea.

Emotions aren't logical. They won't care what you right now is certain to never do. The future remains uncertain because circumstances always change.

For example, a possibility is that you and your partner will argue about something in your life together. Unable to come to terms right away, you will seek support, and what better than your best friend? However in seeking him to back you up, you would only manage to increase suspicions during an already unstable state of affairs.
Logic will be absent and emotions will only see evidence of what they want to see. In such a situation, collapse is the easiest and fastest escape.

Another example. Let's say you suddenly offer to go visit in India. This would send your friend in a state of uncertainty and confusion. "Why? Maybe she likes me and wants to make sure. Nah, can't be. But what if? I don't like her that way. Or do I? Nah. But what if I do? I don't know."

Regardless of reason, a change in status quo forces an introspection. Just like you're asking here because you're not sure of how to proceed, just like your boyfriend because he's not sure about your guy friend and just like your guy friend when their own circumstances change.

Relationships aren't fixed and no one can say for sure what will definitely happen at one point or another. Because it's ultimately up to the people involved themselves to decide who they are and how they act.

So to answer the title, it's not bad in itself, but the people can make it bad through our actions.