this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2026
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My test has two critical dealbreakers to them.

One is kids. If someone tells me that they don't want kids now but later? Nope, they failed automatically.
Another is when they tell me that they're on the fence on deciding on kids, then that to me is a no too because I am someone who does not want kids and never wanted kids. It has to be a hard no, there's no being technical or indecisive about it.

Another one is, is whether they can accept the lifestyle I'm living. Where, I live on the average lane in life, I don't want things too hard and I don't want things too easy either. I'm not ambitious enough to upset my comfortable way of living and reaching for imaginary brass rings in careers. I'm not entirely a deadbeat, I just try and make things work with whats infront of me and I have a particular pace in how I go about life.

I've had people where they've passed the kid test but I know for a fact that when I describe the life I'm living and how I'm living it and that I'm okay with it. That's when I expect there to be people dropping off like flies. Because people normally are always looking for someone with great careers, busy enough to be earning lots of money, traveling constantly and indulging on many fantasies.

And I'm just not that type. This is probably the crucial crux as to why I don't see myself getting dates or even in another relationship anytime soon.

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[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Not a test, but a marker of character.

How do they treat "the help"? Do they greet the waitress? Do they tip? How they treat other people indicates how they will treat you.

[–] Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

This girl was just trying to be my friend, a few years ago.

We went for lunch together. She ordered a strawberry lemonade, she then called the waitress over, and complained the drink wasnt strawberry enough. To.. paint a picture, this was a big woman, like big big, she ordered half the menu for a 1pm lunch, meaning this was already more work for the waitress, and then this so called friend complained about her (probably premixed) strawberry lemonade.

the waitress, had no idea how to respond to ther lemonade not being strawberry enough. I saw her wheels turning as this lady complained. She was nice and offered to fix it. The smug look on big girls face when the waitress walked away to fix it, is what did me in. Waitress brings back a little cup of strawberry syrup or something like, and this lady didnt even use it. She just acted smug.

it was the most bizarre interraction Ive ever witnessed. I fucking ghosted that lady. Fucking psychopath.

[–] porcoesphino@mander.xyz 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Mostly agreed on this. Tipping is just a weird cultural / historical quirk though

[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yes, obviously, tipping where it's a cultural norm. 😉

[–] porcoesphino@mander.xyz 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah, I just wanted a cheap dig at tipping. I don't enjoy watching people dancing for me in the hope they get a liveable wage out of it. I'm glad to no longer be living in a place where it is the norm

Thinking tipping is a good thing might be a (minor) red flag for me actually since there isn't much too it besides giving the customer an amount of control over another human (and moving who is responsible for wages away from the business)

[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 2 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

OTOH - failing to tip in a culture where it is the norm and servers do depend on them, withholding tips is problematic. It all depends on how your date treats them.

[–] porcoesphino@mander.xyz 4 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Yeah, it's pretty no win being in a place that tips. You're just punishing the server if you do anything but a good tip and a good tip is just embedding tipping more

I usually just do blind maths for the tip but with an accent I always liked asking the server what I should tip and doing it well before I had to pay so I could get a feel for what sort of person it was or if I was missing something and sometimes it was surprising. I ordered six beer cans takeaway on a road trip once and (believing that take away was not usually tipped) asked. Their answer was something like "I'm earning $3 an hour, it's your call". Its pretty messed up anyone thinks that's okay let alone enough people that the system persists