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Yeah that's kind of the bitch about depression. You lose faith.
And I had it a looooooooooooong time.
There's nothing I can personally do anymore, but no-one in my society will recognise that and aid me. Thus this will just continue and worsen.
I've even started to disregard personal hygiene to a point. I still shower and wash my teeth, but showering used to be daily. Now I don't even get up from bed every day.
But I can't get Finland to recognise I'm not capable of work currently. Spent several years fighting it. And we have an actual legal professor on our family friends but they won't answer me and no-one will ask for me. I've just been actively pushed to this situation by my society while at the same time it's pretending I'm not even in a situation.
It's like the entire country I'm living in is gaslighting me because they can't accept realty from their delusions.