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I've been thinking about this for a long while. I like to use the analogy of RAM because I'm a nerd.
When I was younger I felt like I had 32GB. I couldn't even fully load it, I was into so many things I'd stuff it full and still be running at half capacity.
As I got older, more processes began to run long. Taxes, relationships, the tedium upkeep of life. Then work takes a big bite. You have the space so you run it. 24GB, 24/7. And they run it hard.
But then it gets burnt out. It's just ... fried. You can't load things into it anymore, they don't hold. Your memory or attention or energy or some combination of all three fail and the task fails. You had 4x8 but now you're running on 1x8. For everything. The life tasks build and then there's more: all the services, the nags, the endless notifications on endless apps, a million group chats buzzing by and the ever growing fascism.
But it's not RAM. You can't just go to the store and buy new stuff and replace it. You can't just take a week off and relax and expect that it'll start working again. It's ... unclear what will make it work again. Is it just broken now, forever???
You try to load stuff into it anyways, because you have to. Hobbies you used to enjoy. But the memory is still no good so it gets corrupted. That thing you used to enjoy now feels like an obligation and trying to engage with it feels like the memory of touching a hot stove. It slips away. And the entire social group you built around that interest? That slips away, too. It's all too hot to touch, you don't have the room and it feels bad: it's tiring and draining and too much for you anymore.
I used to think burnout was a check engine light. I'd notice it go on, I'd recognize it happened, then I'd get to the shop and fix it. It took me years to figure out what was wrong and I still don't know what to do about it. And the work just isn't designed to let you deal with this stuff.
You just described me perfectly.
This is very close. Yeah, i dont know what exactly to do about it.
OK, I apologize. That first post was overly negative so allow me to offer some real hope and advice. (I was sitting in the middle of class when I typed that up and needed to get it off my chest. I moved to a new country and started uni again, which is maybe not the best way to deal with burnout. It's helped in some ways but hurt in others. That's my problems though, a story for another time.)
Let's go back to the fire metaphor for burnout, I think it's more apt. Not necessarily through any fault of your own, that fire is burnt out now. Someone careless came along and doused it in gasoline until it flared up and dissipated. That first fire was built out of the kindling of you, not intentional but incidental over a lifetime as you slowly piled things onto it. This new fire you need to build is going to have to be more intentional. You're going to have to pay attention, put thought and care into it. That's going to take practice and possibly several failures first until you get the hang of it, don't give up.
This new fire won't be the same. Not in composition or how it burns; that's just life. It's OK if you need to take some time to mourn that, I think it's only natural. But just like a forest fire sweeping through it leaves fertile ground for new things to grow again. Time and patience which sucks because it runs counter to a lot of what we're dealing with, but just know it as a fact.
For something concrete to begin with, focus on your self and your interests. It's hard to sit down and focus on just reading a book when you feel like there are so many dozens of other things you need to tend to, but just take that time for yourself. Speaking personally, if you're anything like me you got some part of yourself wrapped up in that job/career even though you didn't want to, even though you didn't ever see yourself as that kind of person. You need to fill that back in with yourself and if that takes the form of books, or comics, or movies, or videogames, or bike rides or whatever silly thing it is that makes you happy, you just need to do it. Trust me, this is important.
Keep going, you got this.
Thanks friend. Didnt take any offense btw. Your post was very illustrative.