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My bio father just passed away. I was talking to his best friend of 45 years, basically his brother, and he casually dropped he was raped as a boy. I had asked about my fathers sister, because a lot of that family is scattered and a mess, the daughter of the sister "something happened" is all I know. And he said molestation, and then that he too, was molested by a man as a boy. I was really proud of the 68 year old mam telling me that.
But fucking, add it to the list. Men need a fucking 'me too' because I know so, so, many.
I really hate the idea that rape is just "Something that happens to women"
I'm a trans woman, but when I was sexually assaulted I was an 11 year old boy. Nothing was ever done about it, because it was another boy that did it and "Boys will be boys"
I'm sorry that happened. It's not boy's will be boy's, and it clearly doesn't just happen to women. It's important we hear everyone's story, and hopefully create some meaningful change in society at large.
Men need to learn to talk about their issues in general. My pops was brutal when I was a kid. It wasn't until I grew up that I finally understood that he was made that way. His own dad basically destroyed him.That didn't excuse all the terrible things he did but it did explain it. It was hard to be angry with him after that. I felt sad for him. That's a heavy load to carry all alone.
As a rule, I try to never justify someone's abuse by saying that person was abused themselves. We must all do what we can to stop the cycle of violence.
Yeah. My father's an angry narcissist, but he was good at telling me that part of what really fucked him up was his mom being a violent alcoholic until right around when I was born. That and how he'd been bullied for being small for a long time as a kid and teenager because he was a late bloomer (he's a very large man). That insight into him gave him a lot more willingness from me to keep him in my life than he'd ever know, and it helped me as a teenager to pick friends who could talk about their feelings. To this day I still see that angry sob as a small kid who never got taught to control his emotions healthily or how to feel love outside of a self or status focused lens.
That man probably had finally realized that it wasn't his shame it happened but those that did it and those that enabled it.
I was beat by my father for trying to talk about being raped. I was very young when it happened the first time. It was easier to beat me to silence than it was for him to admit he delivered me to this man so he could go to a pool hall to play snooker and talk shit. He never took me back but there is a reason why I didn't go to the funeral.
Telling people it happened is better than keeping it secret. After all the shame isn't the victims its the rapist.
I never understood why we blame rape victims for what happens to them. For some reason society at large seems to think everyone deserves everything that happens to them
Religion seems to make this worse "Oh you have bad karma", "Oh Law of Attraction, you get what you vibrate out.", "Haven't you heard the prosperity gospel? The poor are poor because they've angered God."
I'm sick of this shit
I mean how often have we heard "Elon must be a genius, if he wasn't he wouldn't be rich and famous!"