Lesbians

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A community for lesbians, people whose loved ones are lesbians, people who want information about lesbians, queer people, and allies! Trans lesbians are lesbians and are welcome.

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I'm scared of not being the "real" parent (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 weeks ago by quantumgenderino@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lesbians@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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My wife (28 cis female) and I (31 transfem) have recently decided we want a baby but because she is the only one with functional reproductive parts, so the plan is to use a donor, and she'll be carrying the baby. I know it makes no sense, and it's just a brain goblin causing problems, but I'm scared I'm going to end up feeling like she's the "real" mom, while I'm just along for the ride. I'm going to be there all the way along, and it's going to be both our child, but brain goblins gonna brain goblin. Have any of you experienced this/have any words of advice? My wife and I have talked about my fears, and since I started transitioning, I've been getting better at not bottling things up from her, but again, brain goblins gonna brain goblin.

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[–] applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Maybe look into hormone treatments to induce lactation? There are methods to induce lactation in trans women and cis women who have never given birth. I think it's partly hormone supplementation (prolactin is the big one) and some mechanical stimulation (sucking on the nipples in some fashion), but I couldn't tell you specifics.

I've wanted to be a parent for as long as I can remember, but I didn't really realize what that meant to me until I realized I'm trans (also trans femme). One of the things I look forward to if/when I finally have children of my own is being able to breastfeed them. I start tearing up a little just thinking about sharing that bond with my children.

[–] quantumgenderino@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My current androgen blocker apparently has a chance of making you produce buttloads of prolactin, but I dodn't know there were treatments specifically for that. Having the option of breastfeeding would definitely be a huge help.

[–] thoughtfuldragon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago

I have a friend who did it. Was not a fun process but she said it was gender affirming.

[–] GalacticSushi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago

My understanding is that they adjust your hormones to match up more with a pregnant woman's levels target rather than just the typical female range. Towards the end of the pregnancy they drastically lower your levels to simulate the hormone crash that happens after birth. And yes, a breast pump would be used to mechanically stimulate the breasts and induce supply.

There's been a handful of case studies but I don't know that it's a super common process, so some endos might be a little reluctant.