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if your kid doesn't want to do something, don't force it on them. I'm not talking about the things everyone needs to do like brushing ones teeth or getting an education. I mean, don't sign them up for a baseball team if they show no interest in baseball. Don't force them to hang out with the neighbor kids if they don't like the neighbor kids. Don't force them to wear their hair they way you think they should, etc.
let them make their own choices (within reason, ofc) and teach them that they have their own agency. if you do or don't want them to do a thing, explain why, have a dialogue ("no back talk" is bullshit, sometimes your kids have a good point an you're being an asshole) and listen to them.
Yep those are two of the big problems i had with my mom