Lmfao Sugar Land. The Onion picked the perfect place for the article. It can be said the same for the rest of Houston too.

I remember driving to pick my friend up around there a decade ago, but having to stop in her subdivision first to fix my cars screen/central console by updating. Parked between two houses in the suburbs and began fixing it.

The owner of one of the houses came out and just stared at me. Eventually he began to flash his garage door lights constantly at me to go away. I wasn't blocking his driveway or anything during this. The old guy just keep looking at me as I was trying to reset stuff.

Then he got in his car and just idled it in the driveway and began flashing his high beams at me. I was stuck sitting there because the car required to be parked while updating. Eventually the dick sped his car forward out of his driveway and blocked me from even able to move forward. He lowered his window and just stared at me again. I held up the phone that said it was updating my car and told him. He just said OK and kept watching me until it was done and he moved to let me go.

Only 9/10 minutes had gone by from when I first parked to when I left. Such a creepy ass moment to deal with when I was 17 years old. I fucking hate living in Houston.