this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2025
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I used to fully fully 100% agree with this. I'm not a computer science guy but I am a web developer and have been for a decade.
I've finally run into a new, third problem: managers who get angry as soon as they're confused, but refuse to learn basics. My project manager is a fucking nightmare to deal with. The moment, and I mean the first sign that she's not 100% totally understanding what's being discussed, she shuts down, gets dismissive and short, and refuses to hear anything further.
Tech has a problem communicating out, but I've never had this before. I try to take it slow but not too slow (she's an adult and not stupid), I've tried illustrating just to help her visualise, I've tried screensharing, I've tried metaphor, I've tried leaving unimportant details out, I've tried leaving important details out, I've tried giving very brief summaries instead of talking things through in any detail, I've tried saying "ok, no problem, which bit isn't making sense here?", I've tried saying "don't shoot the messenger", I've tried so many different approaches and it's just...
One of our clients has a server that they upload CSVs to. We built a plugin for their site that automatically fetches those CSVs, pulls the data from them into a DB, and populates stuff on the website. Going forwards, internal restructuring at our client company means that they'll be using the server for normal file transfers between them and our design team.
Their IT team do consider security important, so they've locked down FTP access to their server by IP. Our web server is whitelisted, our office IP and home IPs are not.
I emailed their head of IT the other day to ask about whitelisting our office IP, and asked the head of our design team if he wanted me to ask for their home IPs to be whitelisted.
Manager overhears and asks why we don't already have access. I explain that they haven't whitelisted our IPs because we've never had to FTP to their server like this before. She says that we have, because of our plugin. This is true, so I agree and explain that our server has been whitelisted, but not our office/home IPs. She asks how we connect to their server now, already a little bit angry. I explain that our server FTPs to the client server, and can do that because it's been whitelisted, whereas we don't connect from our laptops.
She's now actually angry. She says "literally everywhere else I've ever worked, you just FTP from your computer to the server." so I say we haven't had to do that before with this client. I say "it's not a problem, I'll just get him to whitelist our IPs and all good!"
She turns her back to go back to her desk, saying she doesn't understand why I have to make things so complicated and that I should be making things simple.
I would say there's between five and fifteen of these interactions every single week. I'm not the most socially skilled man, I know that. I've never had this issue before, though. Like, ever. I've worked hard in previous companies to get our web development teams to talk to and understand the marketing team, and vice versa. I've organised team lunches, or nights out after work (I know it sounds like hell but I promise they weren't). In one company, I even asked my boss if I could move my desk into the marketing office for a couple of weeks in an effort to bridge the gap (it was really bad at that place). I've asked project managers to embed into the web development team before to help build that social gelling that helps with work. It's been fine, genuinely.
I'm not skilled socially. I'm annoying, I get that. But this is mad.
Anyway sorry I just wanted to vent. I don't have anyone to whine and moan about this stuff to, really. Merry Christmas all who are reading! 🎄
I mean, the example that you gave has me thinking that the manager is just bad. Some problems are just complex. You could not have left out the complexity here, because it is the problem. If it was as simple as they wanted it to be, then there would be no problem. But you can't make the problem magically disappear.
A good manager would ask what the problem is. Then they would ask why that is more complex than they know it. Then they would listen to your response and not understand a single word, but still recognize that, hey, evidentally there is a reason. Their expert said so, they don't have to understand the nitty-gritty.
The only reasons they might have to understand the nitty-gritty:
That just sounds like a personnel issue. PM with pride issues that isnt technical but needs to facilitate technical discussions. Red flag.
that's exhausting. I've dealt with similar. it sucks and it drains you
Hey man, fellow IT here. I think it's very fair that you're frustrated, that would tick me off to deal with. Unfortunately it sounds like this manager doesn't like to hear anything but "yes", "right away" and "everything worked perfectly". This is what I'd call a shitty project manager.
While there isn't a perfect solution, I find that abstracting delivery of the problems has helped with this kind of person in the past. That is to say that if they're going to get mad no matter how you convey it, don't convey it in person or directly if you can. Post in team channels, leave a memo, anything but target the PM in one on one. The social pressure to act like they understand sometimes stops the early onset dementia from being your problem to deal with. If you can't solve the problem after a good faith effort, embrace avoidance.
I hope this helps, even a little. Merry Christmas 🎄
`Time to move, (no I Didn't read your screed, but the only way you get a rise in
I don't work in IT and the rest of the story doesn't carry over, but I just left a boss behind who behaved exactly like that. Some sort of insecurity, probably about being in a leadership position in the first place.
I think it's dumb; if you've been thrown into the hierarchy sideways and want to become a good leader you need to listen to people even if it means eating some humble pie.
Yep, that's me, too.
I have the same manager. Its turned a nice comfy job into a job which I dread. I dont understand how these kinds of people get to these positions.
I have the same manager, he's unfortunately my advisor 🤣🤣🤣