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I grew up in a racist town, and was indoctrinated on racism in my youth. It never sat right with me, but even so, I still struggled with racist thoughts that would jump in to my head when I encountered indigenous folk.
Someone said to me though that it's not the first thought that jumps in to your head that matters, because that's what you've been trained to think. What matters is what you do after that thought has appeared.
And that's stuck with me. It helped me be aware of the impact of indoctrinated hate, whilst also not getting tied up with guilt over my inability to completely purge myself of the indoctrinated bullshit.
It allowed me to retrain myself, and to make sure the shit I was raised with doesn't get passed on to my own kid.
I couldn't agree more. Trying to control your own first reactions to your environment is often like trying not to feel hot next to a fire. Totally futile and counterproductive. Control your behaviors and refine your beliefs.