Chapotraphouse

At age 19 I was an extremely lonely mf, besides a few times a month doing things that kept going since secondary school, I had nothing going on in my life. Everyone from my school had gone on to university, mostly elsewhere.

When I made it into higher education I was still a weird socially awkward nerd, but I didn't care. At a certain point I stopped caring about the outcomes of any social interactions, because pretty much the worst it could get was exactly what I was used to. I got really used to listening lots more than I talked, and having conversations that didn't have perfect beginnings and endings. Before long there were people that actually seemed like they wanted to be around me. The performative charisma and over-the-top social normativity gave way by mid-20s, and the value that replaced it was actually having things that you cared about. So that suited me a lot better.

There is no unifying human experience, besides breathing, drinking water, excreting, and wanting to develop a personal distinction. Re-acclimatizing to the idea that there are no rigid expectations, nothing that you're fundamentally incomplete for or missing out on or unworthy for lacking, does wonders for your social self.