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Writing the next hit romance novel (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works

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[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 142 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Her lips quivered as his eyebrows quivered. She looked at him like a dog staring at a ham.

[–] Geometrinen_Gepardi@sopuli.xyz 64 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I cannot read this without hearing Leslie Nielsen's voice.

[–] Ininewcrow@piefed.ca 35 points 2 months ago

"Like a blind man at an orgy ... I was going to have to feel my way through" - Frank Drebin

[–] duckythescientist@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

My mind went to Liam Neeson

[–] SantasMagicalComfort@piefed.world 6 points 2 months ago

It’s a pale imitation.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 3 points 2 months ago

Liam Nielsen

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I heard that he's riddled with aids.

[–] oatscoop@midwest.social 51 points 2 months ago (2 children)

My favorite of all time and winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

-- Molly Ringle, Seattle WA

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago

thanks, today i learned :
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC) was a tongue-in-cheek contest, held annually and sponsored by the English Department of San José State University in San Jose, California until 2025. Entrants were invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" – that is, one which was deliberately bad. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 points 2 months ago

I need mouthwash after reading this.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Seconds passed, then minutes more. Hours even: that's 2,4,6,8 and so on. She waited with a baited breath, ensnaring precious oxygen into her lungs with reckless abandon. If air was money, she'd be sniffing every fart like it's rent. That's not what she did though. So she waited.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 2 months ago

You should have entered the Lython contest

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

Top shelf.