this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2025
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Writing the next hit romance novel (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works
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[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 141 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Her lips quivered as his eyebrows quivered. She looked at him like a dog staring at a ham.

[–] oatscoop@midwest.social 50 points 2 days ago (2 children)

My favorite of all time and winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

-- Molly Ringle, Seattle WA

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

thanks, today i learned :
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC) was a tongue-in-cheek contest, held annually and sponsored by the English Department of San José State University in San Jose, California until 2025. Entrants were invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" – that is, one which was deliberately bad. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago

I need mouthwash after reading this.

[–] Geometrinen_Gepardi@sopuli.xyz 64 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I cannot read this without hearing Leslie Nielsen's voice.

[–] Ininewcrow@piefed.ca 35 points 2 days ago

"Like a blind man at an orgy ... I was going to have to feel my way through" - Frank Drebin

[–] duckythescientist@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 days ago (3 children)

My mind went to Liam Neeson

[–] SantasMagicalComfort@piefed.world 6 points 2 days ago

It’s a pale imitation.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 3 points 2 days ago

Liam Nielsen

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

I heard that he's riddled with aids.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Seconds passed, then minutes more. Hours even: that's 2,4,6,8 and so on. She waited with a baited breath, ensnaring precious oxygen into her lungs with reckless abandon. If air was money, she'd be sniffing every fart like it's rent. That's not what she did though. So she waited.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago

You should have entered the Lython contest