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Check out this pecan pie i made | Trans Megathread for the Week 2025-12-01 to 2025-12-07
(hexbear.net)
Link to the recipe, it's vegan 
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alcohol, relationship
Context: Closeted in a complex relationship. Trying to navigate that and come out soon.My egg cracked nearly two years ago during the only time I've ever been nearly flat-out wasted. Now when I'm feeling dysphoric or overwhelmed I reach for alcohol to take me back to that place. Just enough to feel something. It's not alcoholism (at least not yet), but it is unhealthy.
I come from a family where the majority suffer from some form of addiction. It makes me wonder why it's so common in my family... and maybe if I'm not the only one.
I'm trying to find the courage to come out, knowing that for me the genie cannot go back in the bottle. Several people here have been really helpful in figuring this out. I'm so thankful for each of you 💜
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I could have ghostwritten this post and the reply you already received. Covid started, I stopped the minor presentation differences I had tried, started drinking regularly with my parents after being back home, grew my hair out, got with my current long time partner, while simultaneously getting more untethered and disconnected from my life. I started hiding drinking, drinking during work, partially to cope with the issues with gender identity I was experiencing prior to COVID.Just over a year ago, I was on mushrooms and essentially cracked my egg with my partner, but because I was hiding my alcohol problem, I felt wracked with guilt and shame and didn’t end up planning active transition until a month after I stopped drinking.
All of this is to say, been down that path. I got lucky, my partner was dabbling in gender before me and is more supportive of me and confident in the process than I am to myself. The scariest part is the world and my family. My parents are struggling with the image of their son, but they’ll get over it if they love me. I need to get a thicker skin and an ability to stare back at people who stare at me. We become more visible being ourselves and need to prep for strong responses from close people in our lives. But the small steps can have upsides besides confusing your loved ones lol.
so far I have felt an excitement for the future that was a total non-starter when I was still drinking. A few of my female coworkers have definitely noticed and have commented on my hair/nail colors, and it feels incredible, even though I haven’t started hrt. I’m sure negative experiences will come, but leaving alcohol behind and putting effort into transitioning have been the two best decisions I’ve made this year. Love and support, hope you can find the right path.
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Thank you for your kindness 💜 You and bipp both have made me realize also that the alcohol is more than just returning to a nice (if distressing) moment in my life, it is also about erasing myself in the present. My mind feels free when I drink, but I then have to actively suppress those thoughts to keep from outing myself.That self-doubt is always there for me. I did go out on a date with my partner in a dress almost two years ago, and it was one of the happiest days of my whole life. Then I was given the choice between my gender (which I was still figuring out) and my marriage. I had almost forgotten that day even happened until I saw that dress hidden away in the closet.
All that to say, there's a consistent feeling of alienation from my body and an equal fear in changing it. It's nice to know that moving past that fear, even though it's hard, is worth it 💜
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That dress in the closet seems like a particularly potent metaphor tbh, but that’s a terrible choice to have to face. I know our experiences aren’t 1:1, but I’m glad they can be helpful. The fear of changing your body, your life, is real as hell. It’s not an exaggeration when people say it’s hard and takes effort. But an experience shared by many on this sub is that the freedom gained from living the way you want to is worth it. I haven’t fully crossed that bridge yet, but we’re all at different stages of our journey. Again, I wish you so much luck and happiness in your self-discovery.