I switched from dude to "homes". It's equally likely to mean homeboy or homegirl which I assume will be taken as more inclusive. Can't please everyone obviously but it hasn't been a problem so far.

Yeah imo it's a give and take. I'll gladly use preferred monikers as long as there's some patience for me to adapt.

I've never had someone get pissy at me for misgendering, I'm pretty sure that the whole "freakout over misgendering" is just a convenient way to spin lazy bigotry into victimhood.

It's especially hypocritical when Christians are dickheads about preferred pronouns because as a Christian you're supposed to treat everyone the way you'd like to be treated and that would certainly include being called by the correct name.

Yeah, this is the way to do it. I have trans friends who consider dude to be so gender neutral that it doesn't bother them, but I also have friends who prefer not to be addressed with "dude". There's no hard rules that one can follow that will be universally applicable — even if we find a good rule of thumb, then there will always be exceptions, because that's just how interpersonal communication works.

When in doubt, asking people's preferences and trying to adhere to that is always way to go.

One of those things where it's good to ask. Everyone has different standards on it.