this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2025
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[none / use name]
I’m with you actually, because in practice people won’t only use proper nouns, they’ll just use they/them anyway.
Hopefully, but still not often enough. Far too common to see people default to he/him still when they don’t know.
That also, which is even worse
Haha, well, I certainly fell into that one by being too focused on the cis people who won’t bother to select something beyond “the default”. I’d love it if it could be replaced by some capability to better define nounself and nameself pronouns. Just please give me 5 forms.
its for opsec, no?
It is specifically not supposed to be for opsec, there was a whole struggle session about this years ago where people were arguing we shouldn't mandate pronoun tags and I think at the time the account creator made you pick, but when we federated it went back to just having a default value.
I think we should have none/use name, but change the default to they/them to piss off transphobes, make people explicitly go in and change it to none/use name if they want that.
Choose wrong if you’re that scared of people actually knowing. Plenty of other options available.
tbh i would rather use they/them not because that’s what i use in real life but because that’s what’s most natural to me when referring to someone on the internet whose gender you don’t know. but if i pick that i feel like i’m stealing they/them valor so i went with none
You can just use it. If you want to just use it.
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Stealing valor is cool, though
not from oppressed ppl tho
I certainly can’t speak for everyone, but I think they/them is a great default and I have no issue with people using it online but not irl.
What is your problem with it IRL?
i read it as:
"i have no issue with [people who use they/them online while using other pronouns irl]"
I’m still not following how what I said got interpreted differently - this is exactly what I was saying.
If you insert a comma, you might be able to see how it can be interpreted as you saying "I'm fine with online, but not irl"
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Haha, I still needed to read this multiple times to parse it as “me talking about my pronouns” instead of “me talking about other people’s pronouns” 🫠
Right, it took me way too long to read it that way is all - that’s parsing it as a statement I’m making about my pronouns, rather than a reply to someone not wanting to steal my valor by using they/them online but not irl.
"i'm fine with [X online but not offline]"
vs
"[i'm fine with X] online but not (fine with X) offline"
I read it as the latter, but now I understand what their intention might have been.
Huh? My only problem with it IRL is when I get gendered by people, especially the ones I’ve explicitly asked not to use other pronouns.