this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2025
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its for opsec, no?
It is specifically not supposed to be for opsec, there was a whole struggle session about this years ago where people were arguing we shouldn't mandate pronoun tags and I think at the time the account creator made you pick, but when we federated it went back to just having a default value.
I think we should have none/use name, but change the default to they/them to piss off transphobes, make people explicitly go in and change it to none/use name if they want that.
Choose wrong if you’re that scared of people actually knowing. Plenty of other options available.
tbh i would rather use they/them not because that’s what i use in real life but because that’s what’s most natural to me when referring to someone on the internet whose gender you don’t know. but if i pick that i feel like i’m stealing they/them valor so i went with none
You can just use it. If you want to just use it.
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
I certainly can’t speak for everyone, but I think they/them is a great default and I have no issue with people using it online but not irl.
What is your problem with it IRL?
When cis women get addressed with she/her but then you see a trans woman and remember you are doing are doing a post gender thing and then only address the trans woman as they/them, that can be invalidating. Or so I've been told.
i read it as:
"i have no issue with [people who use they/them online while using other pronouns irl]"
I’m still not following how what I said got interpreted differently - this is exactly what I was saying.
If you insert a comma, you might be able to see how it can be interpreted as you saying "I'm fine with online, but not irl"
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Haha, I still needed to read this multiple times to parse it as “me talking about my pronouns” instead of “me talking about other people’s pronouns” 🫠
Right, it took me way too long to read it that way is all - that’s parsing it as a statement I’m making about my pronouns, rather than a reply to someone not wanting to steal my valor by using they/them online but not irl.
"i'm fine with [X online but not offline]"
vs
"[i'm fine with X] online but not (fine with X) offline"
I read it as the latter, but now I understand what their intention might have been.
Huh? My only problem with it IRL is when I get gendered by people, especially the ones I’ve explicitly asked not to use other pronouns.
Stealing valor is cool, though
not from oppressed ppl tho