this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2025
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Huh? There's nothing to forgive here, you two were not in a relationship and this sounds ~~parasocial~~ co-dependent. I recommend seeking therapy focusing on DBT if you want to manage what you consider are intrusive thoughts (disclaimer not a mental health professional). Also, if you two are talking about marriage then you should have a conversation about relationship boundaries before anything else.
Also recommend spending less time on the phone together and more time on dates. Phone calls are not a substitute for spending time IRL with other people.
The OP is not jealous of a TV character who sleeps with someone else on the screen, it's their ex gf who they clearly have a strong bond with and she slept with someone else during a brief pause in their relationship. People are allowed to have feelings about that even if it does not extend to control or ownership. I agree with the rest of your post but this feels like a very insensitive jab at the OP's perception of reality and I hope you don't mean it that way.
Parasocial wasn't the right word, others have pointed out co-dependence and that's definitely less stigmatizing and I apologize. I mostly caught red flags in "but I can forgive, we weren't together" which isn't the correct way to phrase those feelings since it implicitly places blame on the other person. It would be better to express that the idea of their partner sleeping with another person made them uncomfortable but they want to work past it because I noticed it seems like the intrusive thoughts are connected to the idea of being cheated on so they really haven't fully "forgiven" in that sense.
These are things that are better handled in talk therapy and not on the internet though.
I cant im in treatment showing up on monday at her house. And we are going to move and start renting a house together.
Then I just recommend speaking on the phone less until you move in together. 2 hours seems like a better limit since you can give more time to yourself to work through your intrusive thoughts rather than having them stew for a long time while you're talking.
Anyway this is just advice on the internet, ultimately only you can do what you think is right.