this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2025
9 points (90.9% liked)

askchapo

23168 readers
160 users here now

Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.

Rules:

  1. Posts must ask a question.

  2. If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.

  3. Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.

  4. Try !feedback@hexbear.net if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
PorkrollPosadist@hexbear.net
replaceable@hexbear.net
VILenin@hexbear.net
SexUnderSocialism@hexbear.net
khizuo@hexbear.net
Wakmrow@hexbear.net
9
Always paranoid in relationships (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 month ago by Mattypatty222@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
12 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Im getting back with an ex after a split up of a month and a half (she slept with bartender during that time, but I can forgive, we weren't together). Im in treatment right now and mainly focused on that. But ive been talking on the phone with her at night for like 8 hours at a time, and I always get paranoid theres another dude in the background eating her out or something. Not sure how to get rid of these thoughts, seems a little brazen she'd stay on the phone with me for 8 hours talking about kids and marriage and how she loves me if there was another dude there eating her out.

Idk how to purge these thoughts from my head

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] blunder@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

this sounds parasocial

The OP is not jealous of a TV character who sleeps with someone else on the screen, it's their ex gf who they clearly have a strong bond with and she slept with someone else during a brief pause in their relationship. People are allowed to have feelings about that even if it does not extend to control or ownership. I agree with the rest of your post but this feels like a very insensitive jab at the OP's perception of reality and I hope you don't mean it that way.

[โ€“] hello_hello@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Parasocial wasn't the right word, others have pointed out co-dependence and that's definitely less stigmatizing and I apologize. I mostly caught red flags in "but I can forgive, we weren't together" which isn't the correct way to phrase those feelings since it implicitly places blame on the other person. It would be better to express that the idea of their partner sleeping with another person made them uncomfortable but they want to work past it because I noticed it seems like the intrusive thoughts are connected to the idea of being cheated on so they really haven't fully "forgiven" in that sense.

These are things that are better handled in talk therapy and not on the internet though.