,She lived with us for about 3 years, maybe 4, and then they broke up he doesn't think it's his but I've been talking to her all night and I have been for weeks and weeks. I tried to reach out to my ex-fiance about it but she was only trying to tell me about all the liability and like what the fuck bro I'm going to be so happy if this is my grandchild and she just like oh are you happy about the grandchild or you have it by the title of being a grandfather. I mean on God this baby's coming either way and if it's my son's I want to fucking be a part of this little girl's life so I guess I shouldn't have reached out to anybody else I reached out in the Fediverse now because I guess I just have to shout into the void to get it off my chest I'm freaking out waiting she's dilated to four and it's crazy I talked to her for like 5 hours today, pretty disappointed in the fact that my son is acting like it's not his but she just wants to show him it is she doesn't want the state to go after him, she has a fiance that wants to raise this girl as his own, so that's pretty cool. But everybody else I talked to is just worried about logistics, I'm like fucking excited and everybody's fucking ruining it with logistics and bullshit so anyway lemmy, I'm just venting nobody needs to talk to me if you don't want to but damn I might be a Grandpa
E: it happened
EDIT: Fuck this, mom's actively in labor. Be supportive and excited. All this other shit can wait a few days.
I think the reasonable response is somewhere in the middle. From what you've written here, you don't know yet if it's your son's. He doesn't think it is, and it seems you're just ignoring that to focus on your strong desire to be a grandpa.
In all of this you haven't mentioned your son's feelings about this once. If it's actually his kid, it's his kid before it's your grandkid.
At the very least, you should be preparing your son for how his life may change if this is his. And bear in mind that he could choose to abandon this baby, even if it is his. You can't force him to be a present father. Or to get back with the mom.
What are you going to do if it truly isn't his?
I've unfortunately watched this situation play out, more than once, with the sister of one of my closer friends. Three kids from three different dads, so I've watched her, her family, and the families of the suspected fathers go through this.
I've watched multiple families of suspected fathers get excited (or not) only to find out it's not theirs.
I've watched one actual father's family practically disown him because he didn't want anything to do with his kid, but the family did. So they have a relationship with their grandkid, but the dad isn't present.
I've watched the mother lead on one family for around 8 months when she knew it wasn't theirs, because they let her move in and she thought it would be a better living environment for her and her kid(s). Hopefully the mom here isn't like that, but hormones and motherly instinct can make people do wild shit.
For one of the kids, she seriously had to get five paternity tests done before she figured out who was the father. She was sleeping around quite a bit in a short time after a breakup.
The most important thing is to get the paternity test done as soon as it can be. It may or may not change how you choose to involve yourself in this baby's life, but it's very important context.
I've also got to see just how much my own daughter means to my parents. My father is wrapped all around this little toddler's finger. So go ahead and be excited. A baby is a marvelous thing!
Just... temper it a little bit for the sake of yourself and your relationship with your son.
My own wife wasn't talking about her mucus plug with my dad, and we had been oversharing as we went through the long and arduous process of IVF with donor eggs.
She just doesn't have a dad and her mom died we used to go to school together so it's crazy but I've had three kids and I guess it's just biology to me I try to be open and be a dad to her as well. I'll try to temper my shit here, yeah my sons feelings.. he told her to get an abortion, and then he said that the only reason she's keeping the baby is to have a piece of him. My first son I walked into and I fought to be mine, wound up not not being mine biologically. maybe that's part ofnwhy I'm so up in arms about him not wanting to be a part of it. yeah I don't know what I'll do if it's not his, like I keep telling my mom when I was talking to her watch me be all up in arms about this shit and it not be his but honestly my gut tells me it is. My post probably doesn't make much sense I looked back at it and I think I'm just rambling to everybody at this point I got no sleep and I'm running on like three cups of coffee. I just needed to put shit out there I should probably delete this whole thing but lol I'm sorry, I think I have psychosis or something.