this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.

I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.

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[–] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Did you actually go for locktober in the literal sense of the term or is that just what sparked the idea?

I often thought that if my partner had been more into femdom we could've easily turned this challenge into play. Like I said, I'm really good at coming up with excuses for myself when things are up to me but I'm equally good at keeping my promises to other people. I would've gladly handed the key in both figurative and literal sense to someone else and have them decide for me. It's too late now unfortunelately but I'm not sure if it would've worked on the long run either way. While the source of the issue with our sex life was undoubtly me there's no denying that an overall sexual incompatibility played a role as well. It's not easy to be a dominant looking guy who aint one. I can only hope I have better luck with the next one.

[–] Bukkakechess69@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 2 days ago

I guess I’m training for it. But yeah seeing a listing on fetlife and playing it through my head and then telling my partner that I’ll fuck around and find out. Learning how to communicate and talk about thoughts/needs/wants takes time and is not something that people casually talk about. Which is why so many people are forever unhappy. I think there’s a small redemption bonus in relationships for at least trying to make an effort to not make the situation actively worse ;)