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what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 4 days ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

why / how did you pick your name?
how long have you known?
how long before you are done transitioning?
how long do you have to be on HRT?
is transgender like being transracial?
what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[–] Ziggurat@jlai.lu 6 points 4 days ago (2 children)

What are the practicality regarding sport, especially during transition? There is a big trans athlete discussion, but every sport hall I went had ladies/gentlemen changing room with communal showers. People would definitely see the extra/missing bits. Moreover, I see why other people would be uncomfortable with a person suddenly going from one gender space to another.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 32 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

It's a non issue. Broadly speaking, trans people are far more afraid of rejection and violence from cis people than cis people are of seeing unexpected bits. Which is to say, this idea that trans people are just wandering around bathrooms flashing their bits at people is nothing but a narrative designed to stir up fear and anger aimed at trans folk. In reality, we tend to do everything we can to make ourselves small and invisible in spaces like that, because there is no safe way to navigate it

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Yup. Before I came out, as a kid we often had shared showers and drying rooms. Pretty chill actually, we learnt to interact and talk with each other that way, instead of being segregated and correspondingly implicitly seeing the other side as something forbidden, mythical -- when they're just... people, really.