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this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2023
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My bf is convinced I have/had feelings for some other guys. Keeps pressing the issue and "Why can't you just admit it?". I can't admit something that isn't true...
Sorry to say that this behavior is usually projection. He may have feelings for some of your friends and feels guilty about it, and wants to know if you feel the same way so he doesn't feel as bad. In his defense, he may not even realize he's doing this. Worst case, he may be cheating already. Either way, it's toxic behavior and I just wanted to make you aware that it's something you should discuss and work through before it becomes a bigger problem.
Yeah I don't think he is projecting in that sense, but I do believe he has really bad abandonment issues, that is making him "see" things that aren't the case, maybe to have a reason to push me away before I hurt him, too... I'm not sure what to do, he's so convinced that I've betrayed him already, and even if the offense is not real, the pain clearly is, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do to reassure him. It's so painful to watch (beyond the hurtful accusations..)...
I appreciate you looking out for me, friend!
Sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. The best you can do is keep up the reassurances and hope he can make it through this rough time. Encourage him to go to therapy and maybe get medication. In the end, change is up to him. Good luck.
When a woman tells her man he is the only person she’s attracted to it’s the opposite of reassuring.
This is reassuring: “Yes I find him attractive but I’m committed to you.”
This is definitely not reassuring: “No you’re the only man in existence I find attractive”
You could tell him who else you’re attracted to. Men tend to find honesty reassuring.
My ex was 100% obviously attracted to a particular friend of mine. She would never acknowledge it.
Later, she slept with him.
If you find any men other than your man attractive, you need to be honest about it because the lack of honesty implies to him that you’re going to cheat.