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Anyone else seemingly can't put in the effort to maintain friendships? (hexbear.net)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by cosecantphi@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net
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Even when I get bouts of loneliness, the desire to make friends is quickly snuffed out when I proceed to think about all the effort it would take to not only go out and meet people, but how big of a pain in the ass it is to be a present friend who doesn't let connections just fade away.

Like, I know I'm capable of maintaining friendships if I care enough about someone, but in practice have neither interest nor energy enough to do it even when it's something I know I want in the abstract. None of my hobbies are really social in nature, so they haven't been a vector to meeting people I might actually be interested in knowing.

I was thinking this might just be a depression thing, but I've been like this my whole life, and the only close friends I've ever had were all a result of people intentionally becoming my friend, putting in all the initial effort until I became attached enough to care about staying friends. I do kinda feel like an asshole for this, like what kinda socialist is this much of a recluse? But I'm not really sure where I'd even start on working through this.

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[–] imogen_underscore@hexbear.net 14 points 9 months ago

a lot of the time i compulsively push people away or let the relationship drift, i think it's down to a fear of rejection or abandonment, if I don't let people get close then they can't abandon me. thankfully managed to overcome this with my 2 romantic relationships but i tend to do it with newer friendships or queerplatonic deals. then once the drift happens a bit i just assume they don't like me anymore. it's been a difficult behaviour to change, but I did manage to reach out to a queer friend i hadn't talked to for over a year recently and we've been chatting again which is nice.