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Anyone else seemingly can't put in the effort to maintain friendships? (hexbear.net)

submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by cosecantphi@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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Even when I get bouts of loneliness, the desire to make friends is quickly snuffed out when I proceed to think about all the effort it would take to not only go out and meet people, but how big of a pain in the ass it is to be a present friend who doesn't let connections just fade away.

Like, I know I'm capable of maintaining friendships if I care enough about someone, but in practice have neither interest nor energy enough to do it even when it's something I know I want in the abstract. None of my hobbies are really social in nature, so they haven't been a vector to meeting people I might actually be interested in knowing.

I was thinking this might just be a depression thing, but I've been like this my whole life, and the only close friends I've ever had were all a result of people intentionally becoming my friend, putting in all the initial effort until I became attached enough to care about staying friends. I do kinda feel like an asshole for this, like what kinda socialist is this much of a recluse? But I'm not really sure where I'd even start on working through this.

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[–] Blockocheese@hexbear.net 19 points 8 months ago

It's something I really struggle with i think because im autistic and get drained from masking, especially after graduating college and working full time but recently (the past 2 weeks lol) I've been better at texting my one friend like everyday.

It helps that I've known him basically my entire life and even if I didn't answer him for like a year, he wouldn't take it personally and I wouldn't either if he did the same for me

It's hard for me with other people because I don't know if they secretly don't like me and don't want to outright say it so they're trying to make it clear they're not interested without actually saying it and I also feel like most people like me more when I put less effort into friendships when I really want more close friends

Also with being autistic people i dont know well assume my weirdest is because I'm trying to be passive aggressive or something or they don't like me when they know me more because im weird and the strong sense of justice i have gets in the way of wanting to be friends with a lot of people

It's like the worst combo of not liking people, lacking social skills and energy, and other people not liking me

TLDR: autism