Galadriel and Celeborn were married in the First Age and the story takes place at the end of the Third, so they were married for at least six and a half thousand years. During that time, they had one child. How often do you think they had sex?

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 42 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

All Celeborn has is Teleporno.

[–] rustydomino@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

I does my heart good to see more Silmarillion memes leak into lotrmemes.

[–] BumpingFuglies@lemmy.zip 31 points 8 months ago (3 children)

To be fair, his name is Celeborn. Can't blame him for being celibate.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 46 points 8 months ago (2 children)

No, I blame Tolkien and his literally making elves only bang for the purpose of procreation because he's a repressed Catholic weirdo sometimes.

Jokes on him, modern society has agreed elves are hos.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee 27 points 8 months ago (3 children)

It would be prudent for a sentient species with such long lifespans to practice planned procreation rather than multiplying exponentially like a culture on a petri dish.

[–] herrvogel@lemmy.world 27 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

There's the Elven Rope that's light as a feather and strong as steel. No reason there could not have been the Elven Condom that's thin and impermeable.

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

I'm sure they had them, but they're incompatible. Can't make Elven Ropes while wearing an Elven Condom.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 10 points 8 months ago

Fair enough, but I think we can agree that Tolkien elves were bad at planning

[–] dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 3 points 8 months ago

He could have just given them all narrow urethras like Hank Hill

[–] Pips@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Some would say 40k maybe went a little too far in the opposite direction with dark elves.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Thats weirdly more of a Warhammer fantasy hold over what with dommy mommy Morathi, mind you unlike the Aeldar they didnt murderfuck orgy Slaanesh into existance.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 points 8 months ago

So they say...

[–] tenacious_mucus@sh.itjust.works 26 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

AkShUaLlY…. It’s pronounced “Kel-a-born”….but I still applaud your humor!

Most, if not all c’s are pronounced as hard K’s in Elvish (Elven?) languages.

It does get a little weird with places like Cirith Ungol, but there are, allegedly, older maps where it’s spelled Kirith.

[–] rikudou@lemmings.world 1 points 7 months ago

Excuse me, his name is Teleporno. In original Quenya of course.

[–] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 24 points 8 months ago

Successfully millions of times, unsuccessfully once.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

Once.

But elf sex is crazy weird. Like, they were still doing it while Frodo and the Fellowship were there.

[–] Snowclone@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago

Dude it's elves who knows. She also slowes the passage of time by like MONTHS for a day, on top of being immortal it's pretty obnoxious. Maybe they only plow once a 1000 years, or maybe it's every day and they are only fertile once in thousands of years.