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this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2024
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Melbourne
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Tenacity Tuesday is here! Free pizza (one (1) slice per person) for those who stay overtime and work at least Ten hours today!
I quit.
HR would like to remind you about the state of the economy.
HR can bite my shiny metal... hang on a sec, gotta check this email... ahh crap car rego... umm... they can bite this super awesome cake I bought them!
Phew that was close.
HR thanks you for the gluten lactose animalproducts free cake.
They totally deserve it :|
I'm a lactose free, gluten free, keto vegetarian who's allergic to water - could you point me to the HR approved table of sadness for my slice?
You kid, but that pretty much was reality at the last catered work thing I had to attend.
Oh I am GF for reals and I know the horror that the table of sad foods can be
My whinge the past few days isn’t about any one person, it’s the mixture that makes for the headache. 1 person this, another person, that, so almost nothing can be prepped in a single go. My no allium friend is the biggest pain honestly. Those hide in everything!
📉📉Can your teeth shred confidential documents?
People and Culture would like to remind you how important you are to the organisation.
We value all of our team members, because without you, there would be no company.
As such, we are granting a company wide 10% raise effective immediately.
Also, we have added an extra week to everyone's annual leave balance.
We thank you so much for all your hard work, and hope these measures demonstrate our appreciation of your commitment to our organisation!
And now you awaken to reality..,
Then I realise the cat threw up on my bed
We expect our team members to demonstrate their loyalty in return by working overtime for at least one hour daily, and for six days a week as needed.
That sounds like the meal allowance clause in my EBA!
Except we do actually get enough to cover a decent meal, so it is a nice little bonus if you stay back.
I was surprised to see the meal allowance when I did overtime. It is indeed enough to cover a sandwich and a drink from the company pantry.
You have a company pantry ?! We have one shop within walking distance and a food truck that visits on weekdays. The meal allowance is actually pretty good, a bit over $20 I think. It tends to only be something we get if we come in for a short OT shift and it gets extended. If I'm open to doing that I generally take food in so I can pocket the meal allowance instead of spending it 🙂💰
Meal allowance is half hour pay. Pantry may or may not be stocked with proper food but there are always drinks and milk.
Is it a giant lactose free 10m diameter pizza?
A standard large pepperoni pizza with regular cheese. The Company is very generous.
What? No Hawaiian pizza? I feel ripped off!
Hawaiian pizza is for those who work 12+ hours today.
I require the sweet pineapple… What tasks are on offer?
Edit: If you give me a slice that isn’t lactose free I’ll also provide many containers of natural gas. Completely renewable resource. Don’t ask how
same
we are magic
For your service to the company’s energy bill, you will be given one (1) slice of Hawaiian pizza extra cheese after working eleven hours, instead of twelve.
I have a funny feeling I’ll be spending that ‘free’ hour hooked up to the gas bottle…
During which you are welcome to take a nap or browse your phone. No other contribution required.
That tracks. I usually do just contribute a load of hot air
You may be on track to becoming the Company’s Most Valuable Asset
Woahh, I’m fartin’ air
Woah oh! Lizard on a pear
Guess I might have to put in some extra hours today :(
Hustle!
Grind Culture
Sounds delicious. 🙂