I had a bad day again and napped. Festy sink dishes are washing in the shitty but now functional dishwasher. Prised the stuck wheels off with a butter knife and put them in the laundry sink. Tea towels on to wash. I feel like shit and just want my cat back.
melbaboutown
joined 2 years ago
I can still probably be easily heard :(
And I'm still kind of at the stunned disbelief stage with it just starting to break through in little bits
I think I fixed the dishwasher. It appears to be working now. 🤞 I got the front wheels off the pram to soak and scrub them after the dog shit incident but not the back wheels. I know how to but they're stuck so I've put cooking oil to soak in to those parts and will just have to move that to the back area of the lino for when I mop. If I have to chuck the base I have a spare one from where the carrier part of that got ruined.
TW mental health
My sleep pattern is so bad and my mental health has been worse. I've been randomly having anxiety and grief crashouts so bad I puke but also desperately trying to regain some control and fix everything to try and ease my mind. Been talking with people about Melbcat and showing cute photos of her but nothing seems to help. I wish I could just cry normally, break down and howl like an animal but it doesn't feel safe to do that with the people in my block.
It has never in my life been safe to stop and fully openly grieve and usually I've had to compartmentalise to survive the next immediate crisis. https://www.tumblr.com/sometiktoksarevalid/803770369219624960
You can be hypermobile without being flexible, especially if you're not able to safely stretch or exercise much. Your body can also defensively tighten your muscles to avoid hyperextension.
Heat helps the pain and helps things relax back into place if it is that
Are you hypermobile?
I get that since childhood and it turned out to be a stiffness/subluxation in a tiny joint where a rib was attached to my spine. Sometimes it can crunch back into place naturally or with gentle stretching. Another time it was a bit more stubborn and needed to be adjusted by a physio. (Avoid chiropractors.)
It's not dangerous but hurts like a bitch
Maybe. I just find the status quo pretty stressful with the ringworm
The dishwasher threw an E4 error and won’t stop making a pumping noise even after off and on, probably overfilled due to a sensor error. Maybe flooded something internal. May not resolve and I don’t want to risk trying to repair it myself. I probably can’t sell it now and third party = warranty nightmare if it’s still valid. If it doesn’t work again I’ll dispose of it when I get time and take the loss.
I don’t know what to do with him. I’m busy cleaning but will print the posters and ask for help sticking them up. I may assemble the enclosure just to have an emergency spot ready if he gets injured or cannot stay out there, but I need to slow my roll and likely can’t keep him.
It wasn’t a good one yesterday.
Cat rescue
I reached out to the rescue contact and explained the trapping difficulties, said I could try and detain the cat in the house for a chip scan and maybe foster.
But the pressure to keep him was intense and she even straight up said he would help me get over Melbcat. I was halfway through setting up a quarantine area with an enclosure but got overwhelmed and had a bit of a breakdown.
Going mental
I was dreaming of paying for more operations for a still living Melbcat, taking shady abusive jobs and pretending she was another cat for discounts to afford them. Yeah I’m really not mentally okay.
Then just now I wanted to do the neglected dishes with the mini dishwasher I never got around to selling. Who cares if they’re covered in soap after, I’m not very hungry. I just want them cleaned and put away. …It broke.
Edit: Black cat came by again
spoiler
so I was able to give food and apply this month’s spot on. But he hissed when I gently picked him up a few inches off the ground. He was also most distressed by the paper collar, dodging and more hissing while I tried to put it on him. It’s on, without even restraining him because I’m just that deft.
But yes, he sat around being angry about the collar for a minute and he’s now run off quite pissed with me. There’s been a rupture of trust.
I’m now less confident about quarantine or fostering, and if he went into the system the hissing risks him being put down. Edit: He pulled the paper collar off.
You're right. He loves me and follows me around like a dog, but is also a highly energetic young chap while my circumstances require my pets to be exclusively inside. I also feel he needs more hands on deck for his care. My property may also at some point undergo works.
I'll just have to see what happens and choose what's best for him.
I’ve been static buzz so haven’t seen little man to get the paper collar on him. And still need to actually set up the new printer and print the found posters.
Cat rescue options
But I know someone who used to work in cat rescue, and they know someone down my way who is still actively involved. They will be able to scan him on site for a microchip and would be able to trap him if I want to go ahead with that. There are foster homes that completely bypass the danger of the overwhelmed kill shelter. I’ve also passed on his picture to be posted in lost and found groups.
It will be devastating to give him up as well if it comes to that and I haven’t fully decided if that’s something I want to do. Hoping to get him back to an owner while mulling over a name and trying to think if I could foster. I’m just really not okay and don’t know if I can reliably care for him right now. So… decisions. Winter is coming and even with insulated beds I don’t want him out there with his bad chest.
I guess the first thing is to find out whether he’s still owned. Then every decision can flow from there.
TW trauma, mental health
I’m still having intrusive images of Melbcat’s final day and memories of her alive. I hear a little sound and think she’s coming back into the room. I’m unable to finish tasks now. Sleeping all the time and falling into deep depression. I can see it happening.
I’ll foster sweet boy in an emergency if I can get help but feeling absolutely raw and not functioning.
Been unable to sleep and have been washing all the laundry and blankets. Gathering Melbcat’s meds and belongings into her carrier to more easily clean but I’ll be leaving her litterboxes, beds and bowls where they are. I don’t want to look at the empty spaces.
spoiler
I’m hoping to get the black cat back to an owner if possible or at least some clarity on next steps to take. I looked fruitlessly on Facebook (without an account) for black cats missing in my area, made a dedicated email to put on a paper collar, then made a quick Found poster with his picture. After that who knows.
I guess I’m just numbing out and focusing on the things I can fix because I have no idea how to even process this. I miss my baby girl.
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I’ve spent all day sleeping and lying in the dark. I just don’t want to be awake.